kayleen is the annoying type of helicopter parent who is annoying and also useless

stop calling me please

i am going to block you if i get one more notification

i dislike the windows operating system

you’ll never believe what this was for

anarchists love copyright

i had misconceptions about creation and its implicit demandingness

like i had this self-conception, self-justification even, that i would curate things or write things or post things and that because it wasn’t a direct message or notification to an individual, it carried no obligations because others had to opt-in and seek it out. i was allowed to be a careless.

and for some things that’s true, like some people will never listen to the updates i make on their playlists, but i also have people that will listen to everything. i don’t really know what that entails for any personal “shoulds”

i think the most extreme extension of this was passing along hours of kasey convos directly to juliet and i still kinda had the attitude of “eh it’s whatever, listen or not, it’s just available.” but that’s not a realistic model of people

if it’s not clear, i liked this thought process because i got to be vulnerable and exposed as much as the observers wanted to pursue, but i wasn’t like shoving it down their throat or forcing it. it allowed me to have this distant form of connection

or like that was the ideal. it also was a stand-in for direct social interaction which i’m rather poor at. in fairness, this sorta half-worked half of the time so it’s understandable how i got hung up on it.

but yea i dont really know where that leaves me. like im doing the thing right now by posting here instead of in a diary, and i dont think ill totally remove that type of communication from my repertoire

but also i think ive learned that not everything has to take that form all of the time, and there a pretty severe limitations and sharp edges i’ll try to keep away from

i will be speaking in non-sequiturs to fill space because i don’t respect you

i’m annoyed with tech rn !

and humans! but mostly tech!

looking at a vibe coded app with vibe coded docs and vibe coded issues is almost eerie, it’s like some pathetic flesh puppet project

somehow getting let down softly while wing-manning stings worse than getting rejected yourself

i think i gotta retreat for a sec, the air is a little too heavy and thick and i’d like to clear my head

these are ideal types but roughly instantiated by annie (the other one) and cinny

well i dunno about that whole weberian nonsense, those are just the two that recurrently come up when reflecting on that theme, although there are plenty more for duration

brain fried no thoughts bweh

seriously though my perspective has shifted so much, what you do every day, every week really is just your life. there’s this tendency to put stuff off or wait for the right time or opportunity and the answer is that you should probably just start doing the thing that you’re interested/curious abt

yea especially if you have misgivings or are unsure, things are so easy to slip away, and on the flip side, the most lovely features of your life can start with something incredible simple. before you know it, it will already have become something worth holding onto

idk i know this is all cliche and boomer shit but like i’ve been so impressed by it lately. the world is pretty forgiving but life starts now and you should start playing

i expressed this all very poorly but idc it’s approximate

for a concrete thing that’s been on my mind it’s like, i think there are some really cool people i may have wanted to talk to but just didn’t, and while i don’t really have the energy or interest to pursue that now, i see the companions i have gathered and how much life we’ve shared together

it doesn’t take much and before you know it it’s like wow these are my people, which is inspiring for the counterfactual cases and encouraging to cross paths with new people

life is short use the good shit

e.h.

mashup mix of a breakcore version of a nightcore version of a remix of a pop song

and the pop song is a cover of a classic which itself is a reinterpretation of a folk song

they’re calling it the virtuous human centipede of culture

in fairness my first-ins were “oops we haven’t sent patient statements in 5 months” and “this regulatory reporting is due next week and our build is broken”

hardly left time for the inexplicable half-dozen requests to export the entire system to excel

i anticipated getting more done today

i had the least productive 10 hours and am still really behind

i’d probably feel more accomplished if i didn’t first-in-first-out

awkward as fuuuuck but it’s over

awkward phrasing is kinda our whole deal

for better or worse lol, the mutual good will fills in the gaps

it doesn’t have to be, just has been lately, and that’s alright

i’m so gross and need to shower 😭 luckily i only have one more in-person meeting today

i like when my cheeks get flushed tho

i don’t like statements

elated is a bit too bright but you get the idea, more of a soft glow