i figured that’d be the case but it’s cool to confirm, multiple applywrites would make it way more cumbersome for not much benefit

PINKMOONDOLL FACE REVEAL

“my partner” i know what you are…

astrology grill discovers stoicism, love that for her

don’t be proud of me, i let it happen again

i don’t wanna go to that wretched work building,,,

so boring zzzz

hm i kinda forgot about things like this, probably warrants more consideration

kasey will be confounded by why i repeatedly put myself in situations where i interact with people i don’t really enjoy that much, and usually the attribution is to me being an insane estrogen girlie or something, but there’s actually a lot of precedent

muen dragged me places all the time, i had a whole irl social circle for a year of work people, before that i interacted a ton with random discord people

the farthest i can trace it back to is the moment i decided i wanted to be social again finally after my long hibernation of post-gail breakup. at the time there was also this political/moral bent to it of like refraining from judgement

(think lia and all the things that should have been morally repugnant)

because i think before then i was very grumpy and opposed to unnecessary (think Reply To Dave personal time optimization). it’s not like i didn’t have friends, but if they weren’t related to my chosen hobby i didn’t care much about them. even the drama stuff that popped up i wasn’t too involved with

like geo beef, lava/scout/ani/wutt, i always kinda just observed and didn’t make an outspoken name for myself, i just wanted to play the game

i’ve previously understood/described the social toleration stuff in functional terms, like there’s a minimal amount of human interaction that i need to carry on, and that even underwhelming people can serve that function, but idk if that captures it all

hm this pattern is actually extremely prevalent in my past, socially tolerating people and situations i don’t like until i snap back into relative isolation. it happened with work friends (C exercise weekend) and discord randos (tons of ghosted dms after actual years of interaction)

and overwatch people (they keep up with one another in a server and the minute we weren’t a team anymore i stopped caring)

idrk if i have much to say about it rn other than it’s a repeated pattern. i think i got a little off track with overwatch ppl, or at least it’s a only tangential, because i did enjoy the direct time spent together, while the thing im describing is tolerating unwelcome/unenjoyable relationships

but that just reinforces my posited thesis that the furthest i can take it back to is that post-hibernation period. i think it’s interesting since that is the time i first sought out sociality for its own sake intentionally instead of letting it come to me

hm i actually think the discord example is more instructive than i thought, because that was during hibernation right? like that informed my way of approaching ppl, where i would entertain the interaction just to see what that person was like

but that gets pretty boring after a while when you’re familiar with their schtick and don’t care for it much

okay i think im done now fr, just some things that are interesting to note. im sure they’ll come up in future kasey pow wows

insane opening tbh

literally never spoke to this guy before, he found me from youtube and figured i was the right person to ask

a year later im in a vc with him listening to him cry about breaking up with his boyfriend, what an odd relationship this was

i’m thinking about that time antwerp came to me to discuss cub porn and sent me a really long write up and lots of resources about fur affinity drama

i wonder how that all shook out godspeed you freaky little weirdos, i hope your cubs got the justice they deserve

atproto fixes this :^)

every time i see the word “oxymoronic” i think of

i feel like you’ve gotta be embarrassed at certain point like “ah shit mb i was trying to be a hippy lefty not a mini RFK”

nofx i just so funny and clearly historically situated, like yea absolutely howard zinn noam chomsky michael moore bush jr, it’s kind of a beautiful time capsule

the pre-woke left is honestly fascinating, post-twitter world is just such a different beast. there’s like this gasp of sincerity that would feel totally out of place nowadays

got my first follower, smh smh

see also: "i'm not out here posting about it, because i know haven't lurked enough. stupid motherfuckers posting without lurking aaaaaa witches"

check back in a few decades and i might have something to say :)

idk how exactly to communicate that this isn't like a bummer or anything, and the right temperament is not anxiety or shame or frustration, it's just a splash of humility while you play and learn

also! you're more likely to be snuck up on and have worthwhile things to say before you know it if you're not like explicitly trying to do so i think

How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Accumulate Words Worth Saying

this is a round about way of engaging with ppl in juliet's replies about writing, i think she's "earned it" in a sense, and if you're the type of person still having angst about what to write, you're probably not ready yet (which is okay!)

this is a bit of a naive and romantic view i'm expressing, something like "writing should be like achilles-ing" and that the topic should come to you not the other way around, i don't know if i really buy it, but i do think it's an orienting moment, even if ultimately superceded

also i'm saying "writing" but obvi this really applies to communication more broadly, and i like the idea that there are different modes of communication spanning a variety of spectra, some of which being more like "experience" and others being more reflective

maybe can be thought of as consuming and producing modes? thats rather vulgar but it gets at some decent approximations. i also think its vulgarity highlights the error of the perspective espoused above, that there is this more or less explicit disdain for production without prior consumption,

but surely some of the most relevant consumption one could have would be productive attempts and failures. i also think that i'm the one imposing the abstraction inappropriately, as i'm ripping those comments from their contexts:

"realism in creative writing is likely more effective if you have some real experiences" & "you'll make less of a fool of yourself in dedicated hobbyist groups if you familiarize yourself with their touchstones and cultural mores" are a far cry from imperatives to silence until [nebulous end state]

anyway shrug idc abt any of that, fun to rotate in my mind but i don't think this is a live problem for me atm

i like hanging on kaseys shoulder and implicitly pouting for attention

i think i have to come to terms with the fact that the only people i can love are workaholics or neets

bonus points if both