One of these days someone will call me out for talking to myself while I’m having an anxiety attack and it’ll be fun to see what destructive emotions result from that

shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup

If I don’t vacuum at least once a week, a carpet of my hair accumulates on the floor

The worst thing about getting a strike on youtube is not being able to add anything to playlists, so everything piles up in my watch later until I can organize it all

It’s kinda wild how much less gas I use now that I no longer live downtown

Every sensory input is a violent intrusion. I am disgusted by the stench, the repulsive texture, the cacophony that is the external world.

I miss the lockdowns, leaving my house every day is really hard

I wish more of my mental problems were ego-syntonic. Anorexia and mania and self harm are fun to ride the high with, depression and anxiety are just tiring and inconvenient.

Surely my erratic emotions and lack of motivation/energy have nothing to with my volatile and inadequate sleep schedule

It’s so fucking humiliating being completely incompetent

I actually think posting everyday things is gonna be extremely unhealthy for me if I keep it up. I’m kinda miserable all the time and encouraging myself to make quasi-public note of it, instead of just powering through, makes it so much worse. One of the reasons having IRLs is so difficult for me.

I hate how clothes feel on my body. But not having every inch covered is unbearable. ugly ugly ugly

I’m effectively useless at my job without someone holding my hand the whole time. It’s annoying (I’m sure to others more than me) but I can’t bring myself to care enough to dramatically improve.

yesterday a few guy friends of a friend came over to my place and when they found out i only use my fridge for a water pitcher they moved and unplugged it for me. very cute, dudes rock sometimes

>notices UI inconsistency >wonder if there's a fix >finds bug report >success.png >bug has been open over 20 years, last post 5mo ago >200 posts of devs arguing back and forth about who understands UI philosophy better and if this is even a real issue >multiple complete patches, 0 commits >nvm fml

i might try not being a repost bot on this platform - best chance is probably flippant nichijou-kei posting but that's pretty far outside my comfort zone

neon genesis evangelion is kinda meh so far, we'll see tho

Also found this on Isaiah’s pc

oh yea btw grandma broke her hip after we left lmao nice

i had a weird convo with holly yesterday about veganism and idk it was hard bc i didnt know if to just be completely honest and have a ton of explaining to do or just give surface level answers

ive been thinking about the morality of secrets, specifically in close relationships bc of something isaiah brought up yesterday telling a story about finding lewds in someones camera roll and causing a breakup, wanna come back to at some point and flesh things out more

googled some stuff about esperanto this morn bc i was interested and then looked on twitter for linguist perspectives and this is a really good critique

found someones cute pfp but it was low qual so i remade :3

BRO ahehbfnfjdjdjbd this is why it’s so hard to find actual resources on this shit. Like personally rn I can’t say confidently I’m a prison abolitionist bc I don’t know what my positive vision would look like, need to explore more critical criminology, transformative justice,

Bro this guy in my class is so conservative and so shit lmfao every time he talks. And it’s annoying bc it’s not like the typical conservative shitter it’s more like William Buckley type and it’s just dressed up more. He speaks up a lot but it’s always in little chunks

just read an article critiquing Butler's gender theory by Dennis Schep ("The Limits of Performativity: A Critique of Hegemony in Gender Theory") and idk how to think about it yet but i have some feelings

i was correct about my prediction of stress break out. lets goooo i was correct / what the fuck this sucks

had to research a bill for class and actually found something that is really interesting that i dont know how to feel about yet

I wanna do that thing where you run away and “start over” but actually never meet new people

PLEASE STOP USING “NORMAL” jfc read flowerbomb read Mary Nardini Gang read Aph Ko/Syl Ko read literally any anti-assimilationist shit, even libs get this stuff right

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty “life is pointless” arc. Prob due to doing classes and thinking future. Which I mean sure life has no point is true, but also usually it’s about meaning we give it. But I’m actually not very interested in giving anything meaning.

Was watching Rick Roderick lectures and holy shit the framing of Utilitarianism and deontology as bourgeois morality is actually so fucking interesting and compelling. The reduction to the individualized atomized person doing actions independent from class analysis or power dynam

I don’t think I’ve thought about this explicitly very much but I’ve def noticed that over the past year or so, my libido has been really low, and I actually think there are a lot of theories that can at least partially explain why.

im really fucking tired. ive been nonstop brain activity since 5am because of scheduling for classes and thinking about internship. this fucking sucks. making me think about future shit and it just makes me really sad lmao. i wanna stop thinking and just chill

Also why is eye contact so hard?? I need practice

Things I like for groups: Small group split offs Circle > Face front presenter Person who spoke last calls on next person

I’m so shy and passive until the other person opens up a bunch and leads things, then when I’m comfy you can’t get me to shut up. What a weirdo

oh gawwwwd i attended the YDSA general meeting and like... what a mess lmfao

ugggghghghgh its so annoying realizing i just love sociology theory and the constant seeking for philosophy, econ, and poli sci just dont scratch that itch ughghghghghg

I FUCKING HATE INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY!!!

Also I made neat backgrounds :)

bro this is so fucking cute - i inspired ren to make a presentation to gsa at school about gender nihilism omg. its not totally accurate but fuck it dude im so :))

good will hunting is such a shit movie damn

i wanna be familiar with the concepts in classic political philosophy but holy shit i cannot handle reading the fucking boring shit. like its important historically and for development and ideas and blah blah but holy shit its actually the worst dude

just wanted to quick reflect once more on the inclusivity debate of YDSA, its mostly interesting to me bc i can see what frameworks and assumptions i make when evaluating the case and thats what i wanna break down

HOLY FUCK DUDE im watching old overwatch vods i was such a fucking cunt dude lmfao. what the hell. oh god im so embarrassed. i feel like i have to apologize to everyone i interacted with ever. i really hope i dont feel this way about myself again in a few years.

Also TOMORROW not tonight I wanna reflect on how carrd made me realize how fragmented my identity is with various relationships and communities

OH one last thing i promise. some activity i could actually see myself doing with someone and maybe enjoying is cooking? kinda weird maybe but i mentioned in my carrd and ive reflected on a bit and i think true.

alright now that my manifesto is complete, just one extra thing that stuck out that i wanna repeat and recenter. i talked down to her a LOT and my apoligies were super super blamey and did not at all adequately address my actions. really really gross.