Found Gail's picture in my wallet while grabbing my ID for a thing for school, along with an engraved note. I had really forgotten about those, definitely caught me off guard. I remember the arguments we would have about me not valuing her gifts properly.

Tried my first toy - fucked my shit up fam. Very intense and very good lol ~

I’ve been feeling pretty shit meh for the last few days and haven’t really been doing anything. I worked ahead in my classes to clear space for studying for my 390 exam, but I realized that I had a really good handle on the material pretty early into studying.

Looked into relationship anarchy a bit - seems really interesting and obviously a very radical shift. I’m not used to being on the right of social issues, so it’s a good challenge for me to outline my position if I don’t agree.

holy shit im really depressed rn lol, not sure why, zoning out and feeling very off. prolly bc eating is fucked, feel like shit. feel annoyed and gross, eating is disgusting. ED gets fucky when not feeling great, and just spirals with depression

I just want to take a moment to appreciate how compassionate and supportive Gail was. Genuinely one of the most kind people I have ever met, and probably will ever meet. Specifically right now I’m thinking of when I would live stream myself gaming.

Doing some basic intro anarchist understanding and I am really enjoying it. I don't agree so far with what I've read but its very compelling to read about criticisms of the state itself. It's inspired me to think about the base of my political philosophy, and I'll write it below

I think a good way to understand the evolution of the relationship is to look at the different functions and roles it served for us, and how they slowly withered away and got replaced.

I want to text her so bad right now. I miss talking to her. I feel like I’ve lost an incredible companion and partner. I feel like “I’m willing to make the sacrifices to make it work”, but I know that’s not true, and I know that’s not what it would take to fix things. It’s over.

also i still am pretty confused by emotions in general, how/what/why are they, what should i do about it. im explicitly trying to embrace emotions to be healthy, but I don't know how to understand them or what to do

hard to figure out if the cause of events: since we broke up my sleep schedule has been off, my eating has been rough (weird using food as comfort or being entirely disgusted by it/myself), deep apathy, mild depression,

lol I'm in the stage where anything that reminds me of her brings instinctual pain, not even thinking about the specific instance. Very wary of that tho, classic thing with anxiety that just makes you anxious about the anxiety. need to allow myself to feel and engage, not avoid

im horrendously depressed lol, i think the lack of her really started to kick in. interesting time frame of how long it took take effect. feeling lots of ana vibes and i just dont need this rn with exams

This break up is really weird. Four and a half years is just so much to try and reflect on, especially because it’s like a fourth of my life. There were a lot of mistakes and plenty to feel bad about. Trying to think about the progression of things is just really hard.

its so boring to be sad but not being able to depression spiral like i used to, like whats the point

got dumped ama

"All we do when we expand gender categories is to create new more nuanced channels through which power can operate. We do not liberate ourselves, we ensnare ourselves in countless and even more nuanced and powerful norms. Each one a new chain."

"Identity is not a truth but a social and discursive construction, we can then realize that the creation of these new identities is not the sudden discovery of previously unknown lived experience, but rather the creation of new terms upon which we can be constituted."

i'm so exhausted :(

I hate that people act like I’m some whiny privileged bitch for not wanting to live in capitalist hellscape world

Numb

either i have no fucking clue how to play the game or my team is inting their goddamn brains out

holy fuckkkkkk soo frustrated god i hate

fuck descartes and his cringe meditations

Really weird habit of “making up for lost time” after social events, disruptive but feels so important

Anxiety is so shit, I wish I had a better way to understand so I could deal with myself. It’s so draining.

Eating enough is confusing and hard

I really love androgynous depictions, so cute 🥰

I fucking hate group projects fuck

holy shit im cringing so hard i got put in a group with all the cishet white boys to talk about modern day equivalents of Assemblywomen, fuck dude

Got my sleep schedule back, but forgot about my anniversary yesterday. :/ I don’t understand why she cares so much.

why can i only learn from watching/listening to videos

staying up to fix my sleep schedule, im so behind for classwork

A place to vent

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this date thing goes back pretty far