Timeline - Replies (page 404)

Pretty sure I became 15% more gay this morning

honestly first class wasnt nearly as bad as i hyped in my head, mostly just boring. i dont get how people just decide to do small talk tho how bazaar

extremely interesting, still skeptical about the state and how the author defines "socialism", but yeah theory struggles with the empirical reality - also i recognize like all the references thats so cool https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/08969205211031624

also good place to look for future references and reading

.Sep 7, 2021

Filled out a survey for a class tomorrow and wow I am like really really uncomfortable providing personal information like pronouns/anxiety/accommodations like it feels so fake I’d rather just deal with it on my own and not bother risking uncomfy

.Sep 7, 2021

PS so not feeling ready for in person class gr :/

.Sep 6, 2021

Mom yesterday talking to store worker: “yeah it’s a run for women - or, I mean, people that identify as women” 🙃

.Sep 5, 2021

chubby ugly disgusting fucking body :(

.Sep 5, 2021

euphoria https://picrew.me/image_maker/407340

picrew.me

テイク式女キャラメーカー

女の子とか中性的な男の子とか作れます非商用、無加工でご利用ください NG例・二次配布・画像やキャラメーカー自体の自作発言・トレス/模写した画像の公開・AI生成イラストへの利用・企業アカウントでの利用・加工全般（色の変更、加筆、Live2D化等） OK例・各種アカウントのアイコン・ヘッダー画像（Twitter, Instagram, LINE, Youtube, pixiv, Twitch, etc.）※個人に限り収益化アカウント可・配信時のサムネイル・TRPGプレイ時やリプレイ動画の立ち絵・夢絵のコテキャ・他イラストレーター様に依頼をする際の参考資料・一部加工(サイズ変更、トリミング、左右反転、フレーム追加、文字追加のみ) ・作成した画像を参考に、「独自の絵柄で」イラストを作成、公開する行為 (キャラメーカーで作成した探索者を自分の絵柄で描きたい！等を想定) ※トレス不可【お問い合わせ】 Twitter→ https://twitter.com/anrm_teina マシュマロ→ https://marshmallow-qa.com/anrm_teina ※パーツ追加依頼は目を通していますが回答はしておりません（追加できるかわからないため） ※利用方法に関しては具体的な状況がわからないとお答えできないこともあるため、TwitterのDMにてご連絡ください。【更新情報】 2021/1/27　リリース … 2023/ 2/7　注意事項表示パーツを追加。注意事項を確認後、著者表示パーツに切り替えるよう仕様変更 2023/11/5　「まとめ髪メッシュ」「下ろし髪メッシュ」パーツ追加 2024/7/22　利用規約改訂 2024/8/2　バニーセット追加（トップス、首飾り、髪飾り）

successfully finished hatewatching 13 reasons why

reading from democracy to freedom, very interesting but I still worry about consistency. like institutionalizing charity as welfare is far more effective, and even with a gift economy scare resources still need to be allocated. I worry that free association will not be able to

provide adequate dependable care

https://crimethinc.com/2016/04/29/feature-from-democracy-to-freedom

crimethinc.com

From Democracy to Freedom

What is democracy? Will it ever deliver on its promises? How does it serve the social movements that adopt its discourse? Is anarchism a kind of direct democracy—or something else entirely?

.Sep 3, 2021

https://c4ss.org/content/52430

c4ss.org

Rights, Privilege, and Power

Organization, there is some reasonable level of anxiety to be had over your own well-being if your partner can’t provide that. And ig just internalizing that or wanting to meet the expectations of someone that means a lot to me is understandable

And I always do this thing where I abstract it away rather than dealing with my feelings, and at this point I don’t really feel much. Ig I got nothing then. Still feel like I didn’t successfully express myself and let it out, but there’s nothing left

Have to assimilate. And I’m sure I’ll be able to, and find some bullshit career that I’ll hate but will come to terms with. Just I’m not there right now, and that’s a little awk. Which brings me to another thing that I’ve been thinking about since we broke up which is pretty odd

“What does she see in me” type thing. Obvious answer is that she just liked my personality and I could be fun/supportive or whatever, but there’s still this weird feeling. Like if I’m genuinely deconstructing the question it’s that in capitalist comp mono culture,

It’s assumed that “your” one “partner” will have a well providing job and that people should be on their path to do that otherwise there’s no point in being with them. Which when broken down is like ok yeah that’s silly as shit, but charitably because that’s the assumed

And honestly it’s even a little embarrassing to think about, like after so much time even considering a re-establishment of anything feels naive, just because there’s no confirmation from the other person. And I mean there are other things, like how I really haven’t changed

Anything about myself since then, at least not super substantially. Like Gail has a ton of future life shit working, and from my perspective seems absolutely ready to take on the world (I’m sure she would disagree, but she is just really capable and I know she can handle so much)

But then there’s me with no job/internship, no clue about the future, living completely off parents, and while I conceptually entirely agree that all the standards and coercion placed upon people are bullshit, doesn’t stop them from being standard and expected and someday I’ll

More realistic about it not just being relief for the pain I was feeling, and that it will probably be pretty awkward and uncomfortable and all the rest. I’m actually feeling pretty anxious lol. Not only will it be difficult to navigate practically, but also I have to consider

What I even would like in terms of relationship. Like it may just be easier to touch base once and never talk again, or be friends, or I don’t even know. And that’s impossible to figure out without the other person, so it’s hard to think about my own desires

Like I think I’m fairly certain I could be content with any outcome, but not having an approach going in is stressful and confusing. Not like it’s happening tomorrow or anything just difficult to think about and document how I’m feeling.

Ok trial 2. Basically I think I’m overall glad I’ve not felt the need to think about her as much. Before when imagining meeting up it felt like I could be going back to something safe and familiar, like it would remove the tension and pain of absence I was feeling.

But idk I just didnt feel that way, and that was kinda shocking at first. It makes sense I suppose, still just a little odd. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a very high opinion of Gail and think it would be great to see her again, but I think now I’m able to be a little

Not like being dependent on others is bad bc obv we all are, just like it’s healthy to not NEED someone around when that’s not possible type.

Fuck I think I’m gonna trash this and start over something feels off idk

Alright I’m gonna try to write my thoughts out. So she’s been on my mind more often recently, and I think that’s best explained by an initial thought and then bc it’s recent brain can associate fresh things with. But still I think sorting through feelings on will be important

And useful. So first thing that I think is most informative is somewhat mixed reaction to thinking about meeting her again. I think this was caused by me thinking about how many months left in year or something. Anyway usually it’s very hopeful or positive thoughts, like I miss

Her. And I think that missing feeling has gone away, at least the most visceral feeling of like something feeling off/lacking without her. Like I have thought about her lots less bc I just didn’t really need to yk. I think that’s a positive thing like feeling dependent sucks

This is so cool (didn’t wanna qt bc small acc lol) I really gotta write out my thoughts soon, bc clearly this is something I was wanting to share w Gail

went down a gintis pipeline and found this interview, really interesting progression and perspective. I think I still disagree about what he calls postmodernism (rick wolff postmodern??) and that its harmful and useless, https://t.co/8kDeaek5d1

seems to go hard on science data guy which is really good (and a breath of fresh air in econ) but still I think he undervalues less data driven things too much like philosophy or political theory. Tho its possible im misinterpreting and he strictly means like try to be impartial

while designing experiements/studies/research, in which case yeah absolutely, even if thats not completely possible. Would be interested to hear Gail's perspective on this, bc she was interested when i told her about experimental econ (social sciences need!)

also kinda odd that thats where my mind has been going lately too, I'd like to sort my thoughts out about that but I'm not really sure what to say or how to approach.

.Aug 31, 2021

Towards a Political Economy of Education: A Radical Critique of Ivan Illich 's Deschooling Society by Herbert Gintis - very good at describing my frustrations with Illich

.Aug 31, 2021

holy shit this is so good (esp the last 2 sentences!!)

.Aug 31, 2021

Aaah I had a long dream about gail (not romantic/sexual just hanging out) and when I was coming out of it I reached across my bed to try to hold her/cuddle. Lol kinda embarrassing kinda cute that brain went there

Had a weird moment where I thought about talking to/ meeting up with Gail again and felt like nervous and apprehensive, where most of the time I have felt like really looking forward to and then a subsequent guilt kinda thing about that feeling. Idk how to make sense of either rn

Too tired rn to fully express but I should come back to

Almost done with vol 1 of capital, have really enjoyed the lecture series alongside makes things way easier to understand, and I like the slow and deep pace. Shame I don’t think I’ll be able to get through vol 2 before school starts

Just got back to back ads for vegan foundation and men anti-balding product and I love how different that is

oh i should note that i like this quote, this is a very contentious issue from what i can tell. I think its fair to say that a lot of capitalistic production technology advancement is not merely neutral but does carry ideological weight, however that doesn't apply in every case

i like tech advancement in general and think efficiency has great potential to improve quality of life, but i also think that relations of production and the technology itself ought to be challenged and questioned to ensure exploitation is not occuring

In Capital Vol 1, Marx argued that productivity increases tend to lead to a reduction in demand for labor, although Marx celebrated the productivity of mechanization, condemning capitalist relations of production rather than technology itself.

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