My haircut made it so I lost the breakpoint of having the top easily and comfortably going behind my ears on its own T^T rough to adapt to now

Oh my god they’re so hot lol. I’m so out of practice being flirty fuck lmao, this is nice tho :)

Also I’m aware this will age poorly and is not all that much, but it’s p forward for how much we’ve talked and that’s cute and also I’m happy so idc 😎

some ‘hot water characteristics’. It’s terminological trickery: the internal structure of the thing remains the same, and insisting that it be called something else because it’s in contact with something else (without changing its internal structure) does nothing to change either

the fact of its internal structure or what we can expect to result from it. The results of spilling 100-degree Celsius water on yourself will be the same whether you say it’s ‘hot water’ or ‘cold water with hot water characteristics’.

So too, anarchists argue, will retaining a hierarchical state, regardless of how you label it.

It might be argued that the existing, hierarchical state, if and when it has been seized by a ‘true’ socialist party and has successfully transitioned from capitalism to an early stage of socialism, will lose its capitalist character. Even if such a state retains some

hierarchical ‘capitalist characteristics’, it will now be a properly democratic workers’ state, which can be relied upon to carry out universal emancipation. This argument is a bit like saying that boiling water, once moved from a pot to a glass, is now really cold water with

"helping others process emotional stress" - an patriarchal expectation I don't think I've examined thoroughly enough in my own actions and behavior. I think in large part I took advantage of this expectation in my relationship with Gail and didn't give her the space, room, and

ability to comfortably refuse to constantly perform this work for me. Obviously it was appreciated and very important to me, but that doesn't make it any less coercive or problematic. I also don't think I did a very good job of reciprocating this work. I'll think more about.

i am immensely interested in informal social structures of power

The society of the future should be nothing other than the universalization of the organisation with which the international will have endowed itself. We must, therefore, have to care to ensure that that organisation comes as close as we may to our ideal.

How can we expect an egalitarian and free society to emerge from an authoritarian organisation? Impossible.

The international, as the embryo of the human society of the future, is required in the here and now to faithfully mirror our principles of freedom and federation and shun any principle learning towards authority and dictatorship.

We have the potential to find both autonomy and security without having to sacrifice one for the other. We get to revel in creating with one another, and love becomes a precious gift rather than a heavy obligation.

While it would be a mistake to pretend that rethinking, revalueing, and recreating the way we see and practice relationships isn’t difficult work— it is— it would be an even greater mistake to ignore the reason we set to that work to begin with.

We do this to open up joyful possibilities. A process-centered approach to relationship is ultimately about reveling. When we find ourselves connected to and in community with people we love and we refuse to let ourselves get tangled up in expecting and enforcing outcomes,

we can truly revel in the best part of relationships: witnessing each other. We get to experience the joy of growing into ourselves the way that is true and healthy for us, and we get to bear witness and support those we love dearly getting to do the same.

the past sucks, im not looking forward to the future either.

In other news, muzhoka knows this really cute gay guy that streams and he’s so fucking hot

Also, my hair is getting longer in the front and that makes me quite happy

Honestly I think I’m missing Gail, or at least a role she played in my life. I feel misunderstood, I want a space where I can sink into another and be accepted and listened to. Genuine expression is so fucking hard and most people are just totally uninterested or uninteresting

Having an overwhelming amount of ideas is just really hard, and I want to express myself. I feel like a nuisance to the current people I have relationships if I bring up things, or they’re just not equipped to talk about it

Sounds condescending but yeah idk just really hard to connect when you feel like you have to over explain every concept or they can’t relate. I’m feeling a lot of emotions and don’t feel like I have any real outlet. :( I’m struggling

Idk no conclusion just having a rough one rn. Low brain power and emotionally and intellectually overwhelmed, despite not much going on. What not eating does ig, but I feel very strongly that is not what I want right now.

I feel so burnt out. I’m tired of expectations, I’m tired of people, I’m tired of trying. I just want to keep existing without having to experience anything.

Such a weird feeling of “I want to go home” despite not having a place in mind and being exactly where I want to be physically.

I really don’t want to go on rn. I don’t want to interact with people, I don’t want to be forced into labor, I don’t want to leave my room, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want to have to think about how fucked the world is

I don’t feel very good :/ I want to go for a run but it’s way too late and I already did today.

There’s this interesting contradiction I have where the thing most important to me is my mind and mental experience I’d say, like the things that primarily interest me are in that way, and often psychical things just get in my way and frustrate that more intellectual pursuit.

But at the same time there’s this intense desire for my body to look a certain way, almost like a prerequisite for my mental interests to be satisfied since the physical desires can ruin my intellectual mood. However, actually achieving the physical body I want involves limiting

Important things for intellectual function, bringing it to a standstill. So while I convince myself it’s a prerequisite, it’s more like a preclusion. That being said if I could just (lol) change my mental state to be okay with my body there would be no contradiction

this is really random but im searching for cute underwear rn and remembered a time when i was kid where i basically tucked and tried to convince isaiah that something happened to my penis lol - there are actually a lot of instances of me doing stuff breaking from gender norms/

what most people would understand as hinting at non-male gender identity. dont really know what to make of it, def not one of those ppl that think you need to have young experiences for your gender to be valid or whatever, i think for the most part i was just oblivious and did

what felt comfy, and only learned later that it was out of the norms. there were some things i was aware of, like that I couldn't have long hair bc boy, but was only pressured intermittently n stuff idk

I feel gorgeous right now ☺️ cleaned up and shaved my legs and ah euphoria :)

I switched razor heads at the end tho and was going too hard with the fresh head and really tore up a part of my leg haha

I think something I really appreciate but often isn't said is how important philosophy has been to my life. It helps me avoid existential boredom and find meaning in everyday events by connecting them to a larger picture of values. Honestly I think this type of thinking and

approach contributed a lot to bringing me out of the worst of my depression, and I'd probably have to attribute my introduction to Destiny vids. pretty odd if you think about it.

anyway I really love analyzing stuff and having the free time to be able to experience art recently again has really been great

holy fuck episode 15 was beautiful. im crying.

everything past 10 has been really good, and 13 was fantastic as well. I'm really really enjoying this now

DITF is my highest rated anime now, maybe just the high I get after being super into a story but wow yeah I really enjoyed the later episodes

oh btw i reorganized and its lower now, i think its only fair considering the really rough start and some other peeves i had

Oh I should also mention that recently I’ve been able to feel a bit positive about my penis, which is a nice change. Still often uncomfortable about it, but I’ve been able to look at in the mirror without looking away which is nice.

I also want to buy some femme clothes soon, but I'm a little apprehensive I don't like buying commodities in general, and I've never bought clothes online before (obv i have to bc only other option is with parents which yknow), also I have to do research on what type of things

work well with amab bodies like panties n stuff, still really excited tho

the last few days i have felt REALLY good about my body. I think its because I haven't been eating that much and my belly just isn't full, but maybe running more has something to do with it too. Long hair also feels really nice, and I'm enjoying it getting longer