Lol it’s funny how I now go on walks just because

It’s really nice at night and on the path alone

Ig I specifically think it’s funny bc it was one of the examples gail used when breaking up with me and I’m just imagining how she would react if I said something like “I’m going out for a walk, wanna come?”

And while I still do think that “getting over” is cringe, I still think some type of “moving on” might be good, at least narrowly interpreted. Like it sometimes is frustrating to constantly reference her when I think, but idk I think it’s sorta necessary when self reflecting just

Because of my particular history. Like when I look back and compare myself, Gail will almost inevitably be an important part of that reflection even if I’m just considering myself

Reading Ideology and Utopia and I’ve just barley started but this guy is just saying banger after banger like literally I’m highlighting every paragraph wtf

like peep this shit!!!!

Feeling very tired out. Glad it’s weekend. Don’t know what I’ll do tho. No energy to read or game or social. Maybe anime/manga? Don’t feel like I can fully enjoy either. Just wanna lay down

and dont even get me started on the children part. bruh wtf. they just appeal to the same bullshit "lawl dud well if sex is wrong because they dont consent then we cant force them to eat broccoli or go to school! how ridiculous of a conclusion! like wait wtf lol you were so close

im def not saying consent is perfect or a good tool to use, but your examples do not illustrate that properly wtf

idk uggggghhh

like one of the examples is like "well then we couldnt take holiday pictures of children if they don't agree to it!" and its like yeah bitch dont do that shit, respect the choice whats wrong with you

reading "screw consent" which is like largely interesting? but a ton of the examples are like totally not with my intuitions and he acts like theyre just immediately obvious. perhaps i would be more open if i was more familiar with the literature hes contributing to?

but the other thing is like its very very deep within the logics of law and state legitimacy, and that's really hard to track with.

also the section on animals and children is not good at all im sorry. like for animals its just like wow this is contractary right guys - like yeah no shit at least propose ways to look at it. the focus is super human centered and its so boring

Rereading through highlights of Malatesta's anthology and wanted to document some of the more explicit examples where he talks about what anarchist organizations look like, as i think theyre really inspiring

quotes from "Anarchists’ Line Within The Trade Union Movement" and "A Project of Anarchist Organisation" https://www.marxists.org/archive/malatesta/1927/10/project.htm

oh also i should mention malatestas pragmatism and that he doesn't think everything will naturally work out on its own "And so on and so on, answering every query with blithe assertions and denials, ruling out all the bad things, and taking for granted all the good things."

quote from "Ideal and Reality"

and this one is clearly youth liberation stuff that i think unfortunately a lot of people have to struggle with. but i think it does a great job in just 2 panels of showing the problem with how we treat children. they're not some separate group, they're people.

be honest, trusting, compassionate, respectful. sure its a high bar but thats how you treat people. children might be more energetic and chaotic than the average person but thats also a strength, and adults are only like that after years of "socialization" so...

anyway i could go on forever but yeah thats it

didnt love love this manga (My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness), bc the themes explored and "moral of the story" type things weren't that great, but frequently very relatable to past or rough patches. but wanted to take note of these panels

the middle 2 panels are p interesting and somewhat relatable, but clearly some differences, nonetheless p neat

this ones just an interesting way to describe being content with life, not too deep/complex/accurate maybe but yk

You’re communicating so many unbelievablely harmful things with just one action, sucks so fucking much

Like there’s no way we would accept this for adults!!! Like what the fuck

Like I’m sure you don’t eat vegetables as much as you should, that doesn’t make it ok for someone to threaten you into submission fuck you

Like how is anyone surprised when adults do abusive (even by normie standards) shit to kids when we constantly communicate that their comfort and autonomy are irrelevant at the whim of older people

Lol in class this person defending “kids have to eat vegetables” - actually the most annoying thing lol. I had to make notes to myself about all the reasons it bothered me so much

Actually one of the most personally offensive youth liberation things to me

also i reread malatesta's Anarchy and its got some great passages lol

feeling really content and satisfied with life rn :)

Soooo tired and cold feeling super cuddly

But yeah as a final thing just laying out the unique parameters that allow for this specific type of joy: Previous relationship with emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy ending on positive terms and was initiated by the other person. Also the person in my position needs

To have the right type of disposition to be able to be ready to enjoy those type of feelings.

Also this is totally off topic but I’ve been having tons of moments recently where I’m just beaming like super super happy like an almost unmanageable amount of joy. I’ll mouth lyrics to a song while walking home, read manga with some relaxing music, today was a bit of a special

Case lol but that too, looking at my appearance in the mirror, usually it does involve music which is interesting. But yeah that’s been super cool and nice. I think I’ve been allowing myself to feel joy a lot more lately and that’s also why this stuff feels relevant to me rn

I know this is a super minor thing and these are like super fleeting moments that happen rarely so it might feel odd to dwell so much but it just feels really exciting to be exposed to new ways of experiencing connections with others, which is weird bc this is kinda a lack of

Connection? But yk I’m interested in RA and the potentialities of interpersonal relationships.

I will continue to self reflect of course but I think it’s super freeing to understand that I have enough love to go around! And that arbitrarily limiting it is counter productive and sad. I can pursue new relationships and have nice feelings about past relationships as well

I think this case is pretty unique and there probably aren’t too many resources or others to relate to, but that’s also super fun too! I get to explore as I go without any preconceptions about how it’s supposed to look!

And 3) if it’s interfering with your ability to move on with your life, eg. “I can’t be happy with anyone but them”. Ofc it’s important to be self reflective and critical and make sure I’m not misleading myself, but I don’t think these really apply to my behavior and feelings

Which is actually pretty neat! There has been and probably will continue to be a bit of guilt and shame when positive feelings about Gail come up, but honestly I don’t see a reason why that should be the case. Which is actually super liberating!!! I don’t have to suppress my

Emotions and can enjoy the nice feelings without having to overthink it all :) very unique I think, like most people definitely wouldn’t consider that something that could possibly be a source of pleasure, but like! Why not! :)

Oh in class I wrote a bunch about “getting over” (2 full pages of back and forth with myself) the conclusion I came to was that it’s basically fine to have lingering affections for someone that used to be in your life, as long as it 1) doesn’t interfere with other people,

Like for ex. current relationships being unhealthily influenced and oriented around appealing to the standard of the past relationship, 2) doesn’t interfere with the ex-relationship person, like if they have a boundary and you violate it because of your affection,

But with both 1) and 2) it’s important to recognize the difference between someone setting a boundary for themself that they don’t want you to cross and an illegitimate imposition on your actions

This is absolutely true, but also crucially depends on the legitimacy of the state. I really like this argument because it makes commitments and assumptions very clear.