i predict that we'll actually see the increasing mainstream encroachment of metaphor into identity, with gender as its vector

i don't think this will extend to neopronouns for quite some time, out of practicality more than anything, but i do think it will be a similar sort of identification

never beating the narcissist accusations

i think i can admit to myself that late '00s (and especially 2010s) music was kinda absolutely terrible

at least the kind of stuff i would normally defend

i was all warm and curled up like a roly poly if it was a mammal

"they are doomed" lives in my head rent free

a stealthy kind of domination in the form of expressions of affection

i’m partial to the naive reading of gloria as concrete individual rather than the abstraction. because my glorias are not perfect nor silent, that makes glory a possibility for me to achieve on my own terms with their indirect support (although not in any sort of subordinate way, for i reciprocate)

another way of putting it is that i don’t have to be more than i am with and for you all, and while i want to be something more for primarily internally located reasons and will enjoy the externalities with you, your eyes are not what drive me onward

needless to say the categories i’m using are all over the place but i’m not a poet so you’ll have to cut me some slack

i don’t think i have the right kind of unrequited feelings any longer to make gloria by mineral fit for me

i think i am proud of this

unsteady reciprocity? sure. intermittent anxiety? absolutely. emotional, clingy, reliant, immature? yea, often. but the admirative dependence and desire to relinquish myself to another are somewhat alien to me now.

maybe i just don’t trust anyone else for the task. which speaks to a certain disillusionment with the overestimations i’ve previously construed. by all means i will still wish for bold shoulders to hold my head, but i am my own clay, no one can take this from me.

i’m only able to feel this uneasy pride because of the confidence i gain through the relationships of my loved ones, and that’s a beautiful thing too

we should call more often hehe

i thought this said femboys instead, which yknow also would have been true

i got blocked by femboy philosophy for being an autistic wokeoid about my autism years ago

i was saying trivially true things in the ugly lefty jargon of the day so it was kind of deserved, but they didn’t get mad at that they got mad because they hated disabled people

i’m they/themming bc i simply do not know their preferences, sorry

i’m scared to banter with nat at this point because i’d prefer she not think of me exclusively as a combative whiny asshole

me to me: no you should not type “liquid ass” in chat

on the other hand i really should continue reading more contextualizing material and familiarizing myself with general community sentiment, even if i end up bored and disappointed by the engagement it still gets my mind some traction to spin, rather than just slowly spooling itself out

i enjoy exploring for myself but imposing ignorance upon myself yields lacking rigor and disorientation

aesthetics are a distinct subdomain philosophically but there is some carryover from broader lessons to learn about heroic independence and its futility. the practice (in multiple senses: composition, performance, consumption, analysis, critique) is similarly distinct from its theory but not quite

i could map this out dialectically with quotes from big a but instead i’ll just say trust me bro

i’m gonna play with ror2 additional graphics colors tmrw, seems like an easy thing to screw up but maybe there are some references somewhere

excited for tomorrow

i like my life

i should really go to bed and i know i'm not in a lip critic mood but i am listening anyway

dreadful really, i should stop soliciting suggestions

i haven't really fucked with jane remover for a bit but the jersey play in music baby is interesting

i'm pretty ambivalent about the track still and the rest of <3 for that matter

i suppose less ambivalent more oscillating in sympathy

that's still too generous lol, sorry i wanna like you it's just not doing anything for me

i'm just not your audience anymore

dream sequence was okay but venturing really carried if you know what i mean

eh, everyone looks back wrongly now and again. just makes me sick to my stomach because i inundated myself with myself too heavily this year and i have low tolerance for the behavior now

if i was stupid now is the time i would start talking about "lost futures" but thats also the same retrospective sludge in its own way

after listening to Our First Taste of Escape, i'm becoming more sympathetic to the criticism that brian's vocals are the weak link

everyone else is doing really interesting things and is having stand-out moments, even if they're fairly subtle. meanwhile he feels a little strained and uncommanding of the space

still though, i felt like it was unfair to say in Amateurs and Professionals, so i'd like to revisit it

honestly i don't feel like touching our last taste of escape at all, A&P is just so much better, individually and as a collection

i am so deeply uninterested in the penfold reunion reminiscence

just be washed up boomers and let it go, it's fine lol

you caught some brief magic when you were 20 together, i don't think you really have anything to say now

ah that makes sense

tfw u get 2 tc drones and no chests

the director is praying on my downfall