newtypes: being succinct is fascism (the newtypes are correct)

mad respect to her for not being manipulated by my extremely obvious and pathetic faux OD attempt to avoid responsibility

i should keep razors in my backpack, i’m too tired to self harm by the time i get home

“don’t be afraid to say ‘i don’t know’!! :D” brother my entire job is to pretend like i know what im talking about, there’d be nothing left

i’m so uncomfy i wanna scream i hate myself

now is about the right emotional state to rexie relapse but i don’t think my brain and body can afford the luxury at the moment

i was right about this btw

i’m too tired to even be sad i’m pretty sure my heart beat 3 times more than it was supposed to today

cringecringecringecringecringecringecringecringecringecringe harpoons of cringe stabbing my fucking heart cringe cringe cringe cringe

with people like this in my comments, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing for my channel to get permanently banned

i haven't used my actual computer in over 2 days and coming back it feels weird and wrong and not comforting and that's scary scary scary scary scary scary bad. it's the only home i have and i don't want to lose it. i feel like i'm clinging for anything i can to ground myself but it's just not there

ngl im extraordinarily overwhelmed

my sleep is so fucked

how is my brothers cpu 105 C at idle

my brother in christ it is 5:20 and pitch black outside wym good afternoon

it’s genuinely baffling how people expect philosophy to be immediately reducible to propositions in common parlance. sometimes yes, you will have to do the homework to understand, i’m sorry. i can help get you to the right level of abstraction or provide some historical background,

this experiment has been disastrously successful. i’m uncomfortable and suspicious with how well its worked out. i fear it would not have been possible without my recent normification. what a distasteful misfortune.

tfw you still have an anxiety disorder you’ve just gotten better at masking, coping, and avoiding that you forget sometimes (until it becomes unavoidably obvious once more)

i’m depressed and tired and on edge. i want to not be here.

i am miserable

goodbye me, i’ll miss you this week

comfort is the death of excellence - the reader of a book already read is decadent and stagnant

the overwhelming cult of conformity is revolting and suffocating

nearly all of my communication is severely narcissistic, selfish, and extractive in nature

my interactions with my family are incredibly odd because i have an inordinate amount of power and influence. they’re desperate to have me around and no longer have any power to coerce me to do so.

current mood:

another day another youtube ban

the lassalle fan club stays winning

current language comfortability tierlist: lua (the mf goat) javascript (annoying but familiar) mumps (lmao, yeah i know) python (been a while) bash (infrequent scripting) c (very limited experience) what a bizarre mish mash, and im not good at a single one (but im having fun!!!!!)

i don’t trust girl streamers that have their hair in front of the headphone band - yes darling ur gorgeous but i refuse to believe ur comfy :(

i’m too tall for my shower ._.

i have turned evil and started learning JS and bruh who named half this shit or decided the syntax? it's unbearable. pop?? shift?? ugly and inconvenient colons and semicolons for no reason. even if i didn't know the war crimes JS has committed against the denizens of the wired i would hate it.

turns out you crash really hard running on no sleep and caffeine

so based

the ideas in question: local function get_msg_table(user,channel) local time, date = get_time_date() local msg = get_msg() return {time,date,user.unsme,user.uid,channel.id,channel.name,msg} end local function save_msg(user,channel) local t = get_msg_table local file = io.open(“users/“..uid..”.lua”)

slept for 3 hours, too many ideas to go back to sleep

changing my ios keyboard to not use caps last week was like the greatest increase in comff, can’t believe it took me 8+ years

even if some of Heaven Knows feels like a return to form for pinkpantheress, even at its best it feels so much more hollow than to hell with it

i was already in bed but i had too many ideas so i stayed up for a few hours writing them out

how can i be expected to sleep when instead i could be creating a local cli chat program that uses txt files as its database

the zoophilia article is honestly just boring, banal, incoherent, analytic nonsense (intuition? rights? hedonic utilitarianism? autonomy? consent-bloating? all of the above!), but it’s obviously correct with the individual battles it takes within the respective domains

i don’t understand Deck users at all, but i’m so glad Valve is still pushing them for the sake of linux

vim is hard and i am noob, i shouldve just forced myself to learn this when i had more time

it’s really annoying how oriented around jobs the programming community is. like i just love the craft and wanna improve and all people talk about is jobsjobsjobsjobjobs

dawg no shot they put a 'for you' section on channel pages jfc. it's trivial to block but still absurd to have an ever-burgeoning proportion of all websites be algorithmic recommendation. i don't want your brain worms!!!!

I like all the little vocal and verbal habits I’ve picked up from people over the years, a cute reminder when I talk of how intimately and irrevocably they’ve touched my life even if we no longer interact

1. go to group meeting to get help with issue i’m having 2. spend whole time dwelling on how or when to say something 3. leave the hour long meeting without saying a single word i couldn’t even focus on fixing stuff myself bc i was so anxious

rainy driving + watering daycore

i would be a significantly different person if it weren't for the guy i worked with in high school that exposed me to heavy metal, overwatch, and a deeply cynical worldview