go-lives are boring, it's all charging

sometimes u gotta stop worrying about the intricacies and internal architecture of retarded shit

and sometimes you're forced to care

less often that you make it out to be

this isn't a pro-freedom post, as i trust you know

i should stop saying that but old nietzschean habits die hard

alright i talked too much, ill be back later

youtube disabled my links i hate you google

i know i shouldnt even be reading it but it's really funny that she just regurgitates justifications for the state in such overt ways

like we've got hobbes and kant and a full-throated literal liberal paternalism (mama!). penny the anti-republican queen

there's a lot of these that are like "wow that's a deep thought!" if you've never read any philosophy and you don't realize she's poorly articulating the defunct history of western thought

like just watch the end of this lecture

okay lowkey i'm the one slopping it up i'm being just as unrigorous in my response and thoughts about this but that's because the original is so jumbled lol

in some ways it reminds me of those proto anarchists that were like "guys let's just simplify the rules to a dozen or so and hang them up at the town square" but i don't really feel like drawing out the connection

i had a dream emma was confessing to me in a fancy restaurant and then her hair caught on fire

(matt was there and also her mom but in a not forced way, i think her mom owned the place or something)

her mom put it out and emma was surprisingly okay and was starting to talk again and then she caught on fire again

i was telling juliet how unfortunately i handled danii and the regrets i had about how i behaved and emma definitely fits that too. idk maybe i have a hard time dealing with people im less interested in than they are to me, like practically speaking im going to want to interact less and will

take steps to distance myself but afterwards it's hard not to think about the vulnerable position they put themselves in and the responsibility that gives me to treat them with kindness, a responsibility i never quite get right.

because idk i probably don't dislike you on the whole, evidently that's the case because with all of these types or relationships ive returned to them after some time to try and interact. like we didn't hit it off for no reason. it's just that the current context is overwhelming for me and

it's challenging to de-escalate that without killing the relationship as a whole, and/or significantly stifling their interest in me. but those points we're starting to tread into manipulative and selfish territory.

like i appreciate the intimacy i just can't handle the intensity, and it feels like if i give up one the other will collapse too, but that's not my decision to make for them.

but even as i type that and know that to be true (not even morally but just prudentially, like it is going to cause practical and predictable issues), i still don't like actually believe it to my core in an action-guiding way. i can see that it has and will continue to cause me issues,

and that i could stand to be a lot more explicit and open about my actual mental state, but it just feels so risky and is frightening. but those aren't good reasons dude!

so i just stay quiet and try to handle that all in my head one-sidedly and it makes all interactions this veiled and confused thing that is extra stressful for me, i think i have to learn to articulate myself. it's just hard because idk what even the nature of that discussion looks like!

like what am i supposed to say? it can't be framed as like a serious intervention or disruption of what we're already doing, something akin to a breakup or taking a break or step back. because that way implies a disruption in connection that i don't really intend or desire, and even if i affirm that

directly, it's going to come across otherwise. but i think im underestimating the people i'm talking to, especially nowadays at our current age. it would probably be fine. i just also dont trust myself to articulate and that if i screw up and cause a misunderstanding, the stakes are the relationship

to quote kasey: i have to be a big girl and coordinate a mutual relationship reassessment with my situationship and speak openly about the feelings i have, even if they're conflicted/confused/not fully worked out/risky because the inevitable consequence of postponing is resentment/deterioration

the trouble is speaking openly while not being sure what honesty looks like, and i'm notoriously unreliable at working it out on the fly. but in some sense it feels necessary for it to be worked out together and not giving them the opportunity to contribute to our self-determination is bad

i mean bad practically, and it's funny because the relationships i have been more open with have found a way of working, i think im just right when ive said in the past that proximity trumps all as a precondition for interaction and as long as you maintain interaction it'll work out.

so the threat of the loss of mutual self-determination is less moral and more of a threat to break down all at once, which leaves a condition that is a lot harder to incrementally recover from proximity-wise

envy as dyadic and jealousy as triadic is appealingly simple and harmonious but i think there might be some challenging edge cases

maybe it's slightly mistaken or simplistic. it's more about possession vs attention, the personhood is basically a red herring

gratitude is lauded as the remedy for envy but i have my doubts. it's still self-diminishing and accommodating oneself to taking pride in mediocrity. i suppose that's an envious persons mentality. it could be seen as replacing a sense of lacked possession with an appreciation for current possessions

idk it just feels like a misdirection rather than a proper remedy. it has the air of a bad spiral of powerlessness, which makes sense because it is a christian virtue after all

and yknow maybe it's right that it is a cure for envy, it's just that sometimes you should not run away from productive envy

i guess this also doesn't address the fantasy nature of envy but that also feels like a strategy for misdirection and as a reassurance that there is no necessity to change

i also think like, jealousy as frustration with another's attention has a lot more going for it than it normally gets credit for. mostly because the cultural forms it continually finds itself bound to are grotesque

i keep having to hold myself back from saying "parsimonious" because of philosophy of science in my mind it has come to have an aesthetic association of harmony and coherence when really it's more about frugality of assumptions

i think you could argue that those are likely implications, and a lot of philosophy of science kind of takes that for granted especially on a rhetorical level, but yes very distinct things and id be mistaking the effect for the cause

supposed* cause. there are some compelling reasons to believe in the emergent properties of theoretical parsimony if you're a positivist and/or have a relatively narrow scope

woa this is a cool post in the thread view when not in focus, the last word gets cut off with no indication that it's done so

this isn't just an android bug or smthn right

im so out of the loop these days my first impulse should probably be that this is a known thing by everyone and i'm just isolated

looking in the mirror guy: you will get more sleep, you will perform hygiene operations before work tomorrow, you um... look just take care of yourself okay? im worried about you

it makes you sad being in the florescent box all day and the exposure and stress and long hours and accumulation of customer backlog, and it makes you feel guilty that you can't listen to music properly. be kind to yourself, it will pass

i have some peculiar self-soothing habits

bro said fresh

the crackles were part of the charm