Nothing really new, talked about ideas in the past, but they again acted kinda shocked and confused

Soooooo tired after spending time with family. I go at 100% and then sudden boom I’m down to nothing and just die

For RA, in high school I def struggled with understanding romance as a distinct thing, and also struggled with monogamy as it felt too constraining.

I have more to say but I have to get ready now, maybe finish later

Will elaborate later maybe

Also the Barbie stuff was important to me too. Idk it’s interesting tho how I feel like that stuff stopped being a focus for a long while, and there was probably a great deal of social correction by parents or others and I just kinda went w it, def was not supported to explore

Oh and just to note none of this is like “see! I was x all along!” More like just thinking about influences and how precious dispositions and experiences impacted present

I’m thinking about things in my life that hinted at normative positions I hold now (relationship anarchy, anarchic in general, queer gender identity, vegan). Some of them have really nothing at all that I can remember (vegan) but others do.

Like I think in 3rd grade I actually played around with gender a lot lol. Had lots of girl friends and had longer hair, liked being misgendered(I specifically remember a time at McDonalds when I was offered a girl toy and later when the principal gendered me wrong on a fieldtrip)

Lol it’s funny how I now go on walks just because

It’s really nice at night and on the path alone

Ig I specifically think it’s funny bc it was one of the examples gail used when breaking up with me and I’m just imagining how she would react if I said something like “I’m going out for a walk, wanna come?”

And while I still do think that “getting over” is cringe, I still think some type of “moving on” might be good, at least narrowly interpreted. Like it sometimes is frustrating to constantly reference her when I think, but idk I think it’s sorta necessary when self reflecting just

Because of my particular history. Like when I look back and compare myself, Gail will almost inevitably be an important part of that reflection even if I’m just considering myself

I think that will change with more distance and experience, as I’ll have more past to reflect on that doesn’t involve her.

Reading Ideology and Utopia and I’ve just barley started but this guy is just saying banger after banger like literally I’m highlighting every paragraph wtf

like peep this shit!!!!

Feeling very tired out. Glad it’s weekend. Don’t know what I’ll do tho. No energy to read or game or social. Maybe anime/manga? Don’t feel like I can fully enjoy either. Just wanna lay down

and dont even get me started on the children part. bruh wtf. they just appeal to the same bullshit "lawl dud well if sex is wrong because they dont consent then we cant force them to eat broccoli or go to school! how ridiculous of a conclusion! like wait wtf lol you were so close

im def not saying consent is perfect or a good tool to use, but your examples do not illustrate that properly wtf

idk uggggghhh

like one of the examples is like "well then we couldnt take holiday pictures of children if they don't agree to it!" and its like yeah bitch dont do that shit, respect the choice whats wrong with you

reading "screw consent" which is like largely interesting? but a ton of the examples are like totally not with my intuitions and he acts like theyre just immediately obvious. perhaps i would be more open if i was more familiar with the literature hes contributing to?

but the other thing is like its very very deep within the logics of law and state legitimacy, and that's really hard to track with.

also the section on animals and children is not good at all im sorry. like for animals its just like wow this is contractary right guys - like yeah no shit at least propose ways to look at it. the focus is super human centered and its so boring

Rereading through highlights of Malatesta's anthology and wanted to document some of the more explicit examples where he talks about what anarchist organizations look like, as i think theyre really inspiring

quotes from "Anarchists’ Line Within The Trade Union Movement" and "A Project of Anarchist Organisation" https://www.marxists.org/archive/malatesta/1927/10/project.htm

oh also i should mention malatestas pragmatism and that he doesn't think everything will naturally work out on its own "And so on and so on, answering every query with blithe assertions and denials, ruling out all the bad things, and taking for granted all the good things."

quote from "Ideal and Reality"

and this one is clearly youth liberation stuff that i think unfortunately a lot of people have to struggle with. but i think it does a great job in just 2 panels of showing the problem with how we treat children. they're not some separate group, they're people.

be honest, trusting, compassionate, respectful. sure its a high bar but thats how you treat people. children might be more energetic and chaotic than the average person but thats also a strength, and adults are only like that after years of "socialization" so...

anyway i could go on forever but yeah thats it

didnt love love this manga (My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness), bc the themes explored and "moral of the story" type things weren't that great, but frequently very relatable to past or rough patches. but wanted to take note of these panels

the middle 2 panels are p interesting and somewhat relatable, but clearly some differences, nonetheless p neat

this ones just an interesting way to describe being content with life, not too deep/complex/accurate maybe but yk

You’re communicating so many unbelievablely harmful things with just one action, sucks so fucking much

Like there’s no way we would accept this for adults!!! Like what the fuck

Like I’m sure you don’t eat vegetables as much as you should, that doesn’t make it ok for someone to threaten you into submission fuck you

Like how is anyone surprised when adults do abusive (even by normie standards) shit to kids when we constantly communicate that their comfort and autonomy are irrelevant at the whim of older people

Lol in class this person defending “kids have to eat vegetables” - actually the most annoying thing lol. I had to make notes to myself about all the reasons it bothered me so much

Actually one of the most personally offensive youth liberation things to me

also i reread malatesta's Anarchy and its got some great passages lol

feeling really content and satisfied with life rn :)

Soooo tired and cold feeling super cuddly

But yeah as a final thing just laying out the unique parameters that allow for this specific type of joy: Previous relationship with emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy ending on positive terms and was initiated by the other person. Also the person in my position needs

To have the right type of disposition to be able to be ready to enjoy those type of feelings.

Also this is totally off topic but I’ve been having tons of moments recently where I’m just beaming like super super happy like an almost unmanageable amount of joy. I’ll mouth lyrics to a song while walking home, read manga with some relaxing music, today was a bit of a special

Case lol but that too, looking at my appearance in the mirror, usually it does involve music which is interesting. But yeah that’s been super cool and nice. I think I’ve been allowing myself to feel joy a lot more lately and that’s also why this stuff feels relevant to me rn

I know this is a super minor thing and these are like super fleeting moments that happen rarely so it might feel odd to dwell so much but it just feels really exciting to be exposed to new ways of experiencing connections with others, which is weird bc this is kinda a lack of