something i wanna reflect on more later is about the time gail taught me how media criticism is important not just within the world that has been constructed, but also the choices that the writers make to put characters in certain situations

There were only 16 people today in class and it was pretty wild how much more comfortable I was speaking. Still awkward and weird and uncomfy but like it def changes my personality

lol but sizes that go "S" "M" "L" are gonna be a problem i think

guy who starts hrt so they can buy bralettes that fit

bruh like this. is so fucking cute https://www.ae.com/us/en/p/aerie/bralettes/bra-tops/aerie-holiday-best-lace-waffle-longline-bralette/2694_3408_584?menu=cat4840006

i wish kyouko had her hair colored darker to reflect it being brown. struggling to vibe gender w for p sure that exclusive reason

Feeling good about hair, especially when it brushes over shoulders

hm watching Sound! Euponium and thinking about the difference between queer baiting and queerplatonic representation. like i imagine the intention was queer bait-y but is it possible nonetheless to be interpreted otherwise? but what are the limits to that alternative interpretat

cooking is nice and relaxing thing to focus on, even if eating not so much lol, wish i learned earlier

nuking social media shit for a bit, ironic im tweeting about but i think this is different bc its more diary. i need a break and i dont feel good about much rn. gonna try and chill. (as much as i can w school)

incredible

not to mention like maybe you notice children rebelling when "given" freedom because every other fucking time in their life they're coerced to do things they don't want to do

really not feeling like interacting with anyone ever again. i really wonder what interaction and codetermination would look like before we constructed all these terrible things. getting post-x is good and youve thought it through, but there are still the tinges of it yk

the amount of passive aggressive and like framing of everyone else is giga fucking uncharitable its fucking awful

everyone is on their moral high ground saying they know whats best for the oppressed etc etc so fucking boring dude

my mental health is going downhill fast

THATS IT DUDE IVE READ ENOUGH. everyone has terrible opinion i hate it here i want out i take it back fuck it all im a monarchist now. every response is infurating lmfao i hate it so much but i cant close the chat this fucking sucks dude

STOP TWEETING, JUST REST CANT REST HOW WTF, I FEEL LIKE IM ON THE CLOCK TO REST AND RECOVER BEFORE I HAVE TO BE AT A PLACE FUCK THAT WANT DIE WANT BREAK LET ME OUT fuck school.

could be mutually egaged with. but with the org being set up like this it feels much more like "this is the *socialist* org and thats the focus" which like isnt *necessarily* the worst thing? idk maybe if there were more specific orgs for specific things it wouldnt be so bad

it def needs to be intersectional, but like the matter of emphasis yknow idk. this shit is boring me a lot now fuck

clearly matthew was trying but OH MY GOD IM SO DONE THINKING ABOUT THIS GAH IM BORED DUDE

this exercise was ok for the little meme interaction but its too fucking straining when theyre making assumptions about organizations and taking things as given that i just dont believe in. it fucking hurts to evaluate actions while constantly trying to imagine a different frame

racism bad, authority bad

ok so how ive changed my mind: for starters, regardless of substance, the rhetoric has been really bad. also, there is clearly demonstrated the issues with having "leadership" and "members". the hierarchy really makes things screwey and fucked

also i havent mentioned it until now but even if i disagree with them on some of it, raec12 took tons of effort to stand up like this for something you believe in and so i def respect that. i would (and have) just kinda sat back lol

ok finally substance-wise: while i do think it might be a big ask, bringing in black speakers would obv be a very good thing. it is def challenging, but i mean if youre gonna be a "leader" then yknow.

and there def is very rampant econ reduc focus, but then again i don't know exactly what to expect from an org like this. like bc if it was much more voluntary and nonhierarchical i could easily and def see it being more of a community type vibe and everyones issues

ok hm i think i have changed my perspective, at least a bit

i will maintain that raec12 didnt do a great job of explaining grievances, but i should try to be more charitable, careful, and slow when coming across opinions i disagree w, esp when im white

:(

i dont really know how to square the "needs to be a convo" with earlier comments like im not sure how thats supposed to be done if youre uncomfy with the reading group + discussion, maybe they meant that there needs to be a convo about how to be more inclusive, but again there

are some giga limitations bc all white obv. but yeah the response was really yikes and tokenize-y, and the damage control wasn't great after either. idk i wanna be done looking at this shit im fucking tired but i feel like its interesting and important on some level

but also i hate it !!! stop!!

Don’t get me wrong their discussions aren’t that great and there’s not much being offered, but if the structure of the reading group gets people to read black voices then I think that’s the main thing

That’s how I treat the reading group anyway now. I don’t go, just read the book and make up my own mind. Only time I would reconsider is when it’s very like Marxist bc Andrew and Matthew know a fair bit of history stuff and are p familiar it seems

But other than that no one really knows anything and it’s sleeper as hell and yeah idk yikers

alr nevermind i think its flipped now

i wanna cry and go home now pls

i just want it to stop :( im so sad and my head keeps thinking and i want it to stop :(

Like bro I’m sorry but this is ridiculous. Ofc there are massive massive limitations to having people of every privileged group talking about intersectionality, but wtf. The alternative is just to ignore it? Wha?

watched a few vids of this person who is well educated on political theory and parts of it critiqued others stuff. was informative and helpful, but also the guy operated very like angry vindictive toxic masc and it made really sad and tired lol

so now im like :( not in good vibes. do not want future, scary, aggressive,

now to be charitable if everyone had matthew and andrew's pov it would be fine? but the problem is that homogeneity is not realistic nor desirable

makes you either irrelevant electorally and only ppl that already agree, and politicians have just another axis of interests to think about. idk it doesnt seem super promising but def a lot more defendable than "fuck it dud it would look bad dont do anything"

poggers dude your quantity big at all costs im sure that will have no impact on the substance of your org lmao

idk at the end of the day i dont really care about this too much, but i do think it is a good case study for seeing whether anarchists critiques hold up and i think they do lol

yeah this is the right critique tho, he fucked up there

yea andrew and matthew (i think?) have the right take here i think

the last block i think is really funny lol - big aversion to it

if not aesthetics then optics? lol. again i feel like this is just invoking the problem with electoralism, yes descriptively normie black voters will follow black politicians and have a bad taste in their mouth towards DSA, but in considering this net benefit meme youre