it just gets more fitting with time

there's a lot i could say about this track, to the extent that i think a complete analysis would basically unfold all the corners of my last personality, but the fact that it captures its own bittersweet untimely nature in a way i can't tolerate for long is all the more points in its favor

ah yay it's monday, we are so back. please keep sending the whole team gitlab links to an exe you vibe coded

this shit is frying me it's literally just a binary lmfao. why did you put this here

sorry i should be more clear it's a binary with a 4000 line powershell script companion

maybe tomorrow, or tomorrow's tomorrow

maybe in this honesty, i'll stay around past three

wishing onto what could be, a lonely guarantee

i feel at home nestled into kasey's shoulder

she held my hand last night

waow

have you stopped thinking in blank and white or have the oscillations simply gotten faster?

that feels better

i think ive outgrown myself

i want to start over again

tightrope walking and telephone talking

if i'm boring with you i'm probably just uncomfortable

what even are emotions

sometimes you don't know what you want until someone tells you you want it

it's gotta be embarrassing to have one of your better songs be paired with a sample, probably gets old so fast

i am having the worst work from home day ever 😭

all things considered tho im unbelievably mellow

two years ago me would be flipping my shit and crying and instead i'm doing the emotional equivalent of: ._.

but i'm not numb or depressed, it's mild but it's still irritatation. pretty cool actually, im having adult emotions where i can still feel things but not have it be so all-consuming

i love my kasey sweetheart

how sad will this look when she cheats on me and leaves me for a prettier boyfag

1 is the biggest lie btw, the tension of being playfully degraded is way hotter

???????????

i want irl male friends i can be gay with

i was listening back to some old diary audios from youtube and i was talking about how i would hold arnan's and gen's hand while doing other things and that was really cute. plus there was that time i kissed peter at a party

pre-kasey wagie willow was a weird time, glad it happened but also way happier now to be with people more up my alley

when are footnotes getting added to the app.bsky.feed.post lexicon

dude you have no idea how disappointed i was to find out you couldn't nest footnotes in leaflet docs

not that i use it anyway, it's just the principle of the thing

you can try to do branching path posting a la prxr but i don't think it works that well. although its probably underutilized and under-explored, particularly in the diary space. like you could reply two branches of where you took the reflection to demonstrate some ambivalence on proper phrasing

idk maybe if i used reddit view for threads i'd be more open to it, but run it just doesn't flow all that well. especially because the temporal aspect of the posts are too easily obscured, where you're actually building on what has already been established so the order is wrong

i have lots of room to improve on linear writing anyway, im not so concerned with innovating

i will give underscores one last shot today

okay fr it's soooo bedtime i can barely keep my eyes open

i need to feel respect, not passion, not admiration

this is a double inversion of a juliet classic (flipping the subject/object of evaluation [feeling* rather than being felt about], and a rejection instead of an extension of past ideals ["not" rather than "not just"]).

*i'm unsatisfied with "feel" as it's not objective enough but i don't know of a better phrasing that doesn't sacrifice elegance for accuracy

i've been discord diarying a lot more lately

mostly so i can flesh out my thoughts more freely with respect to danii, it's important for me to think about us in a less exposed environment

i'm also aware im dedicating an inordinate amount of time thinking about it and i'm not so sure how to evaluate that. I'm excited and apprehensive and wary about both of those emotions. our relationship is this really satisfying split of playful and serious.

it's just really clever and fun and intelligent and reflective and kind in a way i respect. it's nice to respect someone like that, and it's nice to respect it in particular given my less than respectful treatment in the past

respect is a more important concept to me than admiration right now

i'm a little too high and sleep deprived to find it rn but juliet told me once at a very influential time that i needed to have some relationships that were more private and she was absolutely correct

are you sorry, or are you just scared?