still working this out but i’ve recently been reflecting about the role of fantasy in my life. obviously spurred on by strong identification with the schizoid experiences i read about.

i engage in this all the time, but it’s historically been intensely private and sensitive about it. an old blog post described it partially:

i still have these fantasies of interaction, and i wasn’t kidding the other day when i said one-sided intimacy/affection is my hobby. i particularly enjoy mediating my fantasies through associating objects, ex:

but that’s kinda the thing. over time i’ve started to be my vocal about such fantasies, and i’ve started using that as an avenue to make apprehensive inroads to more direct connection.

sometimes that takes the form of direct confession of my emotional state with regards to a person, sometimes the more impersonal publishing of thoughts to bsky, with more or less specificity.

which maybe means i’m in somewhat of a transitional state? or maybe i’m just settling into a new compromise. because i still have these vivid fantasies, but i use those reflections and emotions to fuel real relationships, somewhat relinquishing control and undermining the protection of distance.

crucially though i can choose what to withhold and so can retain that power, so im not sure what to make of that. everything is far too in flux for me to make any strong prescriptions about this behavior, so i suppose im just taking note and monitoring for now.

so yeah anyways thanks to everyone for being patient with me while i learn and experiment

😭😭 no you’re right, that was the joke

huh i wonder what that’s like

that’s an inside joke for @getdownon.it and company

soap have u seen this

i’m gonna cry anna, i’m so overwhelmed with love and feel so valued

had a meeting with long-term work friend and couldn’t stop myself from yapping about all the lovely people in my life and they said they had never seen me so happy

okay fine i lied about deleting too i used archive >.>

okay but are you qualified for the position

girls will literally beg for mentally ill boys then act like this smh

yeah i’m lying a bit, these were from last week and i had already worked through them :p

ctrl+a deleted 800 emails, hopefully nothing important

waow this guy's voice is cute youtu.be/mxduZ8YHw-s?...

i should have pivoted my brand to FemboyAudiobooks while i had the chance

my supportive non-monolingual bloomfs about me: "I know it's in English but despite that it's very good!"

many such cases

breaking: local girlfailure unplugs phone during overnight vc, ruins e-date when it dies

the other half of the cule has their shit together at least

alright i’m going back to sleep now, i’ll call back bunny in the morning

never kill yourself

@jeroba.xyz danii has been jumpscared a dozen times by your cock post and every time it yelps “aaa penis” 😭

T-T idk im taking it slow bc im serious about her and its important to me

poly memes are cool and all but i really just care about her and want it to work out

check back soon, it’s definitely happening

you’re so right, fuck 😭

my relationships move fast we're already furniture shopping

talking to u rn!! <3

you’re literally the best poster on bsky, unrecognized genius

this me

like this, mytruckpacking dot com !!

sometimes you have to create a post you don’t agree with to bait engagement and make new friends

😵‍💫 hothothothot 😵‍💫

hehe ty, i think i just get self-conscious and want to pre-empt criticism (as evidenced by the fact that ive already done this exact bit before)

this was the only thing i commented about your appearance

*i* have agp curls lmao, i don’t think you have curls at all hehe

oh oh! did you show kasey what you got

faggots are friends, not food

meeting with jade was a success but we didn’t take any pics so i can’t use my draft ideas

premeditated self-deprecation is crazy

this is tomoko reference btw