oliSUNvia is so fun to hate watch and get triggered by. it's interesting sociologically to see what type of pop philosophy is in vogue and to see her adapting academic materials to her generation's context, but philosophically its just frustratingly poor lol.

hasan x h3 is so funny bc its just larping socdem vs honest socdem. i hate zoomer bernie brocialism lmfao

It’s very funny how I’ll hate the feeling of having a body and feel disgusting all the time, and then I’ll look in the mirror and be like “oh, cute!” Because of the former I’m quite disinclined to actually do the latter by anything other than accident.

Seeing my reflection doesn’t really help alleviate the feeling though, it doesn’t really feel like “me”. Even if it was me, why should my external appearance help the phenomenology of being me? I guess good to distinguish between dysmorphia proper and the disgust of having a body.

Also it only works in low light, where I can’t get a too detailed and critical view.

I deeply dislike the feeling of food in my stomach. It’s such a relief when I’m empty.

I mostly talked about categoricity here. Gradation is one of the ways it is undermined, but is distinct and not the opposite pole.

I bounce between states of being so frequently that “episode” feels more appropriate than “arc” or “season”. I’m don’t think I’m enjoying the current episode very much.

I do think it’s interesting that while arc is pretty uniquely online-anime-culture inspired, season and episode are not when it comes to describing distinct periods of variation in mood. “I’m in my girlboss arc” vs “depressive episode” and “she entered a season of contentment”.

Though it can be helpful to use the metaphors that come with conceptualizing one’s life as a narrative, there are pretty significant drawbacks to the approach, and incorporating a variety of metaphors can be more enlightening.

My mom is neurotically concerned with whether or not I love her, and I don’t really know what to do with that. “Love” is treated categorically, and without gradation or context. Constantly be called to account for my love (or lack) disinclines me to answer favorably.

I don’t exactly enjoy your company if that’s what you’re asking. I appreciate the favors you do for me, but I don’t think you respect me very much and haven’t reflected much (or expressed interest in reflecting) about your performance as a parent and the hurt you caused.

We don’t have a great relationship, I’m not sure why you think me flatly and dryly acquiescing to saying “I love you” will fix anything.

Of course, this is partly me taking pleasure in the fact that I have something you can’t have and can’t control. Given my past of problematic applications of this desire for control, it’s fair to be a bit skeptical. But I don’t think that means I automatically have to do the opposite either.

To be more clear about “gradation and context”: the love in a casual reciprocal “love you too” is contextually (qualitatively?) different than the love expressed during a feeling of deep admiration, an appreciative response to laughter, or an intimate embrace.

This by no means implies one can give an exhaustive taxonomical account of all the various ways in which love can be deployed and affirmed.

As for gradation: I’m not sure if I can say I love anyone in the abstract. I love certain features of people, I proclaim love for people in certain contexts provided the right conditions, but it’s not at all clear that I could produce a list of those I love, even if capturing a temporal instant.

Point being: There is no categorical love to be in or outside of, there are a series of expressions with differential force and significance whose conditions are contextual all the way down.

TL;DR: Love is a lovely metaphor, a delightful language game, and mummifying the word is bad enough philosophically. Politically, in this case, it is being used to demand approval and appeasement in the service of easing the psychological unrest of the guilty conscience of an oppressor.

*installs blackout curtains throughout my apartment* *turns off all the lights* “Ahhh, peace at last” *pulls out my phone flashlight to navigate because I can’t see shit*

One of these days someone will call me out for talking to myself while I’m having an anxiety attack and it’ll be fun to see what destructive emotions result from that

shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup

If I don’t vacuum at least once a week, a carpet of my hair accumulates on the floor

The worst thing about getting a strike on youtube is not being able to add anything to playlists, so everything piles up in my watch later until I can organize it all

I should probably make a second account for personal use, but manually migrating mid-5-figures worth of videos in playlists over would be such a pain

It’s kinda wild how much less gas I use now that I no longer live downtown

Every sensory input is a violent intrusion. I am disgusted by the stench, the repulsive texture, the cacophony that is the external world.

I miss the lockdowns, leaving my house every day is really hard

I wish more of my mental problems were ego-syntonic. Anorexia and mania and self harm are fun to ride the high with, depression and anxiety are just tiring and inconvenient.

Surely my erratic emotions and lack of motivation/energy have nothing to with my volatile and inadequate sleep schedule

It’s so fucking humiliating being completely incompetent

Gnawing at my fingers until I can taste the blood from my exposed flesh

That was the most masculine rage I’ve felt in a long time, I’m so fucking tense and I feel so pathetic

Ok I’m chill now

I actually think posting everyday things is gonna be extremely unhealthy for me if I keep it up. I’m kinda miserable all the time and encouraging myself to make quasi-public note of it, instead of just powering through, makes it so much worse. One of the reasons having IRLs is so difficult for me.

I hate how clothes feel on my body. But not having every inch covered is unbearable. ugly ugly ugly

I’m effectively useless at my job without someone holding my hand the whole time. It’s annoying (I’m sure to others more than me) but I can’t bring myself to care enough to dramatically improve.

yesterday a few guy friends of a friend came over to my place and when they found out i only use my fridge for a water pitcher they moved and unplugged it for me. very cute, dudes rock sometimes

>notices UI inconsistency >wonder if there's a fix >finds bug report >success.png >bug has been open over 20 years, last post 5mo ago >200 posts of devs arguing back and forth about who understands UI philosophy better and if this is even a real issue >multiple complete patches, 0 commits >nvm fml

i might try not being a repost bot on this platform - best chance is probably flippant nichijou-kei posting but that's pretty far outside my comfort zone

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