my sex is bouba

boys' love

i have complicated feelings about annie-style (the other one) micrological joys and i’d like to flesh them out when i’m in a better headspace

i’ve been crying a lot

you’re sweet for taking care of me

i’m unwilling to take a position on whether we thrive in silence but i am willing to say that i wouldn’t be pleasant right now

skipping my meeting and going on a walk, fuck you all

now is the time i’d record something for juliet if i wasn’t so tired of my voice and the venom on my lips

so instead it’s time to listen to shitty angry music

outsourcing the emotions i can’t bring myself to feel

where is this poor girls advisor

i think i’m gonna be sensitive and bitter until end of year

instead of feature adoption 5 year plan we should have a performance 5 year plan, this is fucking unacceptable

sorry i’m sensitive and bitter today

some days catching on e.h. does not spark joy

everyone ignores em when she says shit like this because if they didn’t the conversation would be over

bring back the phrase “running dogs of imperialism”

i’ve made my own position abundantly clear

i’m a pissy whiny irritable baby

i’m peeved

yesterday i was thinking that it was kinda curious that he discussed consequentialist modes (hedonism, utilitarianism) and didn’t have separate categorizations revolving around duty, but then i realized it might be odd to speak of the primacy of obligation in presumably voluntary friendship

which is not to say he neglects it by any means, it features prominently and often all over the place, but typically role-based relationships (parental/familial, economic) and in discussions or virtues and their lack

i feel like it’s anthropological significant and revealing more than anything

in the same way i have poor ego boundaries, the boundaries of the object of my emotional evaluations is very loose

i other words it’s hard for me to tell whom is the target of positive affect, there is simply positive affect. often i end up crystallizing focus into several discrete individuals tailored to their own particularities, but the impetus is rather undifferentiated

not to say that the causal chain can’t prominently feature a person that also receives the affection back in turn (in addition to other inspired recipients), that paired with compersion are of course the two classic illustrations of the falsity of love scarcity

just that that case is one among many circumstances that can give rise to fondness of heart, and that the reciprocity may be more due to pragmatic proximity than meets the eye

i like u

whatever virtues there are in mythical unreflective homeric life, that doesn’t mean they’d make for very pleasant company; this is analogous to the modern software developer

unironically i think geuss says this somewhere lol

show me one good piece of anarchist writing and i will reconvert

this statement makes it rather apparent that the problem is with the identification and the expectations you are bringing to the material, and not with the text itself.

that's all well and good, but doesn't really get me anywhere. at least with other influences i can say "sure, i'm not a Radical Realist (what would that mean?), i just like the things raymond geuss wrote", but i can't even muster that for anarchists basically ever at this point.

"i agree with some implicit propositions of a yet-to-be-written rational reconstruction of a historical tradition and have benefited from my engagement with its literature" doesn't hit the same.

the whole joke of arriving at correct conclusions with horrible reasoning is genuinely torturous, especially when my primary concern is theoretical (i know its impolite to admit it, but i have no aspirations to activism or organization*).

*which i'm more than aware is not negligible, not just as a moral imperative but as something with theoretical import, but the state of available actionism is blatantly insufficient, misguided, and theoretically confused

this also fails to capture the nature of my rejection and the complicated aesthetic and affective relation i have to historical figures, methodological principles, personal motivations/dispositions, even argumentative rejoinders

in any case, formative immersion is just a difficult thing to shake. as cliche as it is, anarchism feels underdeveloped and naive, but for entirely opposite reasons than typically given.

ever since first becoming politically aware i've felt my adhesions to be gradually shifting directionally the same way, and whatever it is i'm expressing here, it doesn't feel like a violation of that trend

that's obviously a difficult thing to articulate and i'm not sure it's significant, beyond reassuring my ego

i think more than anything i just want to make it clear to myself that my rejection is not of the form "i think the state is good now actually" lol

it’s worth saying though because it demonstrates why i can feel alienated from anarchism and still be staunchly ardent on evaluations like this one

south korean midwest emo FUCKING HITS tellmethetruth.bandcamp.com/album/youth-...

got a notif i thought was em and it was just a bot :(

am i going out tonight? i dont really wanna. i’d rather read. but maybe i should do things for their functional value and push through anyway. idk, that’s cope. “it’s just a few hours of life to waste” is such a pathetic mindset and how you deaden your existence. i’ll do it anyway.

it’s appalling how much agreement there is around restrictions for children

“minors” ought inspire indignation alone