Mood flux like wild today :( really exhausting to go between so much - depressed numb content anxious lethargic disgusted pathetic sad functional excited frustrated rushed just back to back it’s a lot
Don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this but I’ve had fantasies for a long time of cutting the fat parts off of myself and they’re back rn. Ofc would never do it (doesn’t make practical sense, wouldn’t be effective, would be horrendously ugly even if it wasn’t bad for the obv)
Lol I hate college kids “ummm actually I don’t think it’s fair to judge the validity of Socrates’ arguments, he was doing the best he could at the time” no way you just historical-cultural relativism excused that
I have really weird habits sometimes lol - like very uncharacteristic activity. Usually this is bc I’m curious I think and then I do something outgoing. Today I went to the library in between classes and looked at books for over an hour which ig is pretty individual but still
Jenny Stewart 2009 Public Policy Values Chapter 1: What Are Policy Values? really good overview and categorization of policy values, good resources to look into
my body image violently swings and i hate it :( wish i could be pretty / wish i could view myself as pretty consistently (those are two very different things im aware and one is much more healthy of a desire but i cant help it :////
im so exhausted. school takes so much out of me holy shit. i tried doing some personal reading after hw today and i just could not get very far. to be fair im new to decolonialism and stuff so prob woulda struggled anyway
DSA moment lmao - yooo why are we fucking around with the international shitters just gimme healthcare. Socialism.. that is nationalistic.. why did no one think of this?? Obv not that bad ig but zoomer isolationist brain rot yikes
I have a hard time telling if discussions are so bad because ppl feel constrained socially or if they just haven’t thought that much. Latter makes sense bc class incentivize just getting work done not thinking deep and this might be first time thinking about, but still so boring
extremely interesting, still skeptical about the state and how the author defines "socialism", but yeah theory struggles with the empirical reality - also i recognize like all the references thats so cool
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/08969205211031624
Filled out a survey for a class tomorrow and wow I am like really really uncomfortable providing personal information like pronouns/anxiety/accommodations like it feels so fake I’d rather just deal with it on my own and not bother risking uncomfy
reading from democracy to freedom, very interesting but I still worry about consistency. like institutionalizing charity as welfare is far more effective, and even with a gift economy scare resources still need to be allocated. I worry that free association will not be able to
Ok trial 2. Basically I think I’m overall glad I’ve not felt the need to think about her as much. Before when imagining meeting up it felt like I could be going back to something safe and familiar, like it would remove the tension and pain of absence I was feeling.
Alright I’m gonna try to write my thoughts out. So she’s been on my mind more often recently, and I think that’s best explained by an initial thought and then bc it’s recent brain can associate fresh things with. But still I think sorting through feelings on will be important
This is so cool (didn’t wanna qt bc small acc lol) I really gotta write out my thoughts soon, bc clearly this is something I was wanting to share w Gail
went down a gintis pipeline and found this interview, really interesting progression and perspective. I think I still disagree about what he calls postmodernism (rick wolff postmodern??) and that its harmful and useless, https://t.co/8kDeaek5d1
Towards a Political Economy of Education: A Radical Critique of Ivan Illich 's Deschooling Society by Herbert Gintis - very good at describing my frustrations with Illich
Aaah I had a long dream about gail (not romantic/sexual just hanging out) and when I was coming out of it I reached across my bed to try to hold her/cuddle. Lol kinda embarrassing kinda cute that brain went there
Had a weird moment where I thought about talking to/ meeting up with Gail again and felt like nervous and apprehensive, where most of the time I have felt like really looking forward to and then a subsequent guilt kinda thing about that feeling. Idk how to make sense of either rn
Almost done with vol 1 of capital, have really enjoyed the lecture series alongside makes things way easier to understand, and I like the slow and deep pace. Shame I don’t think I’ll be able to get through vol 2 before school starts
In Capital Vol 1, Marx argued that productivity increases tend to lead to a reduction in demand for labor, although Marx celebrated the productivity of mechanization, condemning capitalist relations of production rather than technology itself.
"As shown above (see section 4.2 or 5.2), economic actors follow a rationality that is imposed upon them by the economic relations. Thus the constant attempts by capitalists to raise the level of valorization (in the normal case) does not result from an “excessive addiction to
Reading “Racism Without Racists” right now and oh god the amount of bullshit Gail had to deal with from me… yikes. I was afforded a lot of patience and grace but like wow that must have been so frustrating. Like ofc I’ve known this for a bit but just remembering