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i used to be sullen

step 1: disallow follows so everyone has to search your profile step 2: change your handle like an asshole

i like arf

When I was 12, my mother offered me a choice between a big bar mitzvah party with lots of presents or hundred dollars to buy something for myself. I took the hundred dollars and bought a train set, which I coveted. It seemed like a good deal of the time. Perhaps I should have gone for immortality.

i dislike Theory :(

that one friend that's too woke and also a failed writer and also stupid but monopolizes domains that are worthwhile realms of inquiry

bitcrush is important to me today

i think i need to read something but i can’t think of who would be helpful

i need something soft and kind

but it must remain impious, which is one demand too many

lets try this actually

i have a sinking feeling this isn't it

if only that were true

evidence i’ve been slipping

i’ll let it pass through me, i won’t let it linger

you have strategies for this but you don't want to use them

just a little longer please, be patient with me

girls when they spend one night alone by their own volition

but yknow

she doesn’t like it very much

i feel clean, slept on fresh sheets after a shower

i’m kind of lonely though

i don’t want to be desired i just want to be held

okay mental reset

gimme 5k and 8 months, that should be just enough to pick a cloud provider

a few more rounds of funding and i might make some blog posts too

arf

webs op in the captcha meta

i did more work instead (lol)

they were wrong on the internet man what do u want from me

anyway i think i might chill out now, still gonna figure out what tho

i have headache

the greater the distance the more i admire how insightful i was by the end of college, like i was right about all the the things to be skeptical about and resistant to, at least in terms of the anticipated affects.

i would say "the main thing i was under-prepared/experienced for was how much i could tolerate before giving in" but no, that was anticipated too and was regarded as one of the more depressing realities.

anyway, i specifically mean this with reference to something rather trivial and kind of cute. i used to basically regard it as a point of pride (or rather, that the alternative would be more regrettable) that i was untalented at my job for a variety of reasons.

and now that i have genuinely improved, i get these annoying urges and i see myself becoming more work-obsessed/interested/invested, like kasey. like "oh this guy said something wrong in an email let me correct him and provide a bunch of evidence" or go out of my way to correct things

and like it actually is much more rewarding and enjoyable on a subjective level but taking a step back the dynamics are pretty uncomfy, but i'm not really disquieted about it. i kinda wanna scrap this thread for this reason cuz like, idc, whatever

to be more specific ig, im doing work after hours on a friday and doing things beyond my required minimum bc im interested in the problem, which ig kinda happens when you have a modicum of curiosity and are actually somewhat familiar with the domain

a surprising amount of motivation can be found from "wow, you're so dumb man. it works like this." i get why kaseys like that

for when you want to repost something but its against your religion

peak, ily

i kinda hate what passes as lefty or “socialist” because they try to talk policy and are just objectively worse than the policy wonk liberals

just like me fr

this account is a safe space for me to acknowledge my previous life as a dgger