nvm found my groove listening to k-indie and reading Bloom Into You manga

still stuck in this rut. its not even like i feel like i have to be productive or something, its more like im not enjoying leisure activities either. its kinda annoying :/

Idk also been having the depression thoughts of like non existence being compelling and that’s a bit annoying

Don’t think I want anything in particular just a bit sad for now and that’s okay

I’ve been feeling really restless but also really tired and overwhelmed. Like I want to do something but I’m too depressed and tired to do anything of substance, so I just watch mindless YouTube or something

I’m cold and want physical intimacy and that’s the second time I’ve felt like that recently after not really feeling that way for a while

Idk I think school is just getting to me and not having something I’m able to be passionate and social about, like I’m missing an important bit of intellectual social interaction

Grocery shopping and she was there, she had like partially dyed hair (cool) (but it was like subtle like just the ends/lower part was tan/light brown) (shut up it was pretty)

I didn’t notice her but she said my name. I was like oh hi and went for a hug or just walked closer and she went “ew, no” (LMFAO) she had friends there too

Then we texted for like 5 mins I don’t remember what and then the dream veered away and got weird

👏no more thinking about gail before you to go sleep 👏 you will dream about her 👏

I haven’t been updating very much recently, I think Ive been partially overwhelmed and partially sad and partially just not feeling like reflecting. Food has been weird I don’t really wanna talk about it

School has been shit. stopped going to DSA stuff at least temporarily. Exercise weird too. Everything feels off and I’m kinda just done. Wanna withdrawal from everything for a bit but don’t have the space

Idk how to feel about still thinking about gail sometimes. I think it’s healthy and okay probably, like cutting out someone from your thoughts just seems pretty ridiculous and forcing it would be unhealthy

Like even if gail was dead like if I could never see her again much less get back together with her, I’d almost for sure still have thoughts like this. So I def don’t think it’s like some underlying need to get back together, I’m just remembering and thinking about

Someone who played a prominent role in my life for many years.

Watched Wolf Children anime movie and kept thinking about how funny it would be to watch it with Gail. The furry moments are actually hilarious and often super cringe even tho I liked it overall, like the wolf having weird human hair or being edgy for no reason

got feedback, pointed out that the quotes actually werent contradictory and thats def true, i shouldve said something like "rousseau doesn't think direct democracy can work, despite being sympathetic, but malatesta proposes a model that can solve rousseau's worries"

feelin a bit depressi today. skipped all my classes, watching anime, avoiding doing heavy reading.

someone used "they" as a pronoun for me when most people would normally have used "he" :)) happy moment

Lmfao some guy just justified private property by saying it’s biologically inherent not just to humans but all animals

Had a really weird dream where my dad was throwing knives at us on the trampoline. Gail was there too lol idk

holy fuck this is so fucking based https://youtu.be/TWkTeeejS8k

:)

Lmfao I’m so done with outside

I just don’t want to be seen at all

I wanna go home :( going out bad

Burned through a ton of the Malatesta anthology today; super clear writing, but not theoretically light either. Seriously such a kind and realistic person, genuinely committed to the wellbeing of all.

Skipped class and YDSA to read more, way more worthwhile

Also I’m reaching his latest works and they seem to be the most valuable theory wise so far which I’m really really looking forward to

finished. really good, really practical, really kind.

We are anarcho-syndicalists on the shop floor, green anarchists in the woods, social anarchists in our communities, individualists when you catch us alone, anarcho-communists when there’s something to share, insurrectionists when we strike a blow.

episode 21 of devilman (1972) truly shows the dangers of centralization and therefore the misguided foundations of the modern liberal state. in this essay i will

Lmfao I love this table of contents. Introduction intricately broken down The Theory of Moral Sentiments Appendix “Dude Smith’s chapter organization is a bitch I’m not fucking with that lmao, good luck”

thats it shut it down no more peer reviews this is a waste of time gg

oh my god they think kant talking about the moral law means legal systems i can't dude LOL

i feel mean submitting this peer eval but dude its really bad

like you clearly wrote this the night of and didn't understand the material you're putting me in a rough spot

Oop

posted this classic quote in the gamer gc and they agreed lets goo

hopefully they dont interepret as fuck xenogender or nb or femboy or neopronoun

it was acceptable in context but i dont wanna lay out for history sake

like i didnt just send in dry it made sense

https://ia803104.us.archive.org/24/items/ZineArchive/KilltheCoupleinyourHead_READ-1.0.pdf this shit is too goddamn based love it

I hate being seen :( so exhausting

Alright I’ve decided to never go to discussion this shit is so boring - hey guys what do we think about meritocracy and the American dream soy boring zzzzz for anyone that’s thought about it for more than a minute

into this stuff is so that i can dress cute, if i was perma alone i prob wouldnt mind nearly as much. i just dont wanna wear leggings with pp going everywhere

idk why this shit is so triggering to me lol very bothersome and anxiety induce

holy fuck dude im gonna barf i cant handle tucking/ gaff shit so uncomfy holy shit like i get why people would be motivated enough to do that but holy shit i cannot thats too brutal ow owoowowowow

looking into male dance belts instead like that just seems so much more viable for me. not nearly as elegant or whatever but dude i cannot do that other shit no fucking way dude ow ow ow