oh and also this has been happening for a bit but esp bad this morn, when i see guys with long hair but theyre like very masc it bothers me a lot lol. I think bc its a significant way for me to feel more feminine and then I just worry... i dont know what i worry about

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings I'd like to process and write down so I think I might just do that for a bit - probably just gonna make one giga vent thread

This morning I had a lot of experiences noticing other people and it made me feel lots of ways. First there was this very small and cute femme person that had really nice hair and like fuck sometimes i wanna feel and look like that yknow? very nice style, very clean, very small

sometimes its just hard feeling so large and I'd like to genuinely be cute not just like cute with a modifier like "cute for a guy" :/ anyway next there was this girl in my class that im like 98% sure is anorexic and idk lots of feelings seeing that

I am once again begging for progressives to stop appealing to “normality”

and yes yes yes foucault i hear you you risk reinstituting the same relationships of power and domination in new ways but the alternative is to agitate for nothing and then get disappointed when the state doesn't comply with your immaterial demands

its possible this changes later but idk so far zzzz

nvm lmao this book is a lost cause

but like when i get convinced of principles of a thing im still like ok cool now what and then the real interesting stuff begins like how do you design institutions that actually do this thing you want

which is why im so interested in alternatives to school and relationship anarchy like theres some actionable stuff you can do, its just really annoying to have people that are so smug and confident that are convinced by principles not pay any attention to how

that will look. "local communities should decide for their conditions" is not good enough. propose a model, do the hard work. if activism and agitation is your thing then fine i guess but it feels so odd to be so committed to a thing when you have no vision.

idk why tho i get very irked by the sorta nondenomenational anti-capitalist progressives esp bc they have no vision for future

"Instead, the entire system must be ended and replaced with resources and supports that genuinely meet people’s needs, as well as strategies that effectively address and reduce harm and violence." and then the further solutions are never mentioned whatsoever.

I think im able to be more charitable to theory bc its more philosophy minded and i can grapple with principles rather than with more hard data stuff, which makes me go policy mode. And yeah sure plenty of theory stuff struggles with this problem, and thats an issue too

reading "prison by any other name" bc the abolitionist dsa reading group is doing it and its literally just a worse discipline and punish. i mean i guess its phrased easier and has more up to date data and language but meh zz the way they make the args annoy me

I’m gonna end it all if I hear another college humanities liberal idpol wokeoid invokes ethical relativism to disprove Kant

And yes, his use of “rational” is ableist and misogynistic, but not for the reasons you’re saying!! Like I’m no Kantian (yet 😏) but please oh my god try at least a little bit

I think I have found someone I actually admire in history, whereas before I never could. Harry Kelly, anarchist, Modern Schooler, seems like he was pretty decent guy actually. Avrich didn't hesitate to bring up the faults of other people within the Ferrer movement, but Kelly

seemed like a decent guy throughout. Wanna learn more about and maybe read some of what he wrote.

It’s pretty incredible how fast my anxiety can go from 0 to like really high - extra school project, landlord stuff, social interaction stuff - it’s all like stuff I have minimal control over and I can’t really plan around, really stressful to me

The steroid shots in my neck have worked really well - much much flatter and color is much much more faint

shooting my shot im so nervous 😬😬😬 i dont wanna say the wrong thing or be weird ah

this is such a great succinct explanation of what truly liberatory education is about

oh! i should also add 4. Labor conditions - teacher pay, effort, time, also needs to be respected. while ideally learning would not be so restricted to few individual facilitators of education, that will likely be the reality in early prefiguration.

Counter institutions need to take care to respect those who labor, and need to ensure that that the situation is not child liberty at the expense of adult liberty. This is a massive challenge and clever organizational strategies will need to be discovered and negotiated

practice and data, etc. Obviously all of this is open to critique and revision, but pretending as if this information is irrelevant is foolish and prideful.

Overall really exciting to learn about, im having a great time.

building the new within the shell of the old. 2. Parents - self selecting for people that want to get involved, need to find some way to allow children to flourish without excessive parental intruision. of course they can and should be involved, but should never be dictating

curriculum. Also not to mention how 2 parent model creates dangerous power relations. 3. Lack of pedagogical knowledge/understanding/experience - great theory of liberation, but there needs to be additional understanding of child psychology, historical pedagogy, current

Reading "The Modern School Movement" by Avrich and there are a few things that stick out to me as lessons from past attempts at liberatory pedagogy. 1. Money - often reliant on donations to stay afloat, which makes sense, ideally would be offered freely. Great challenge to

that takes a working class perspective where the relationship between men and women have changed, and turned that into something that powerfully subverts the dominant and repressive status quo. i hope im being clear with what comparisons im drawing lol

but yeah i think thats an interesting way of looking at it, that like in the process of one system of oppression seeking to expand its power it can actually undermine the project of another system of oppression. Im sure there have been plenty of others who have written about this

and potentially it is captured within "contradictions" (which tbh have always been a little loose for me) but yeah i just think an intersectional analysis of this stuff would be super cool to read

oh also just wanted to note that i actually have no historical basis for thinking thats how things actually happened, i just dont know enough. it seems plausible? but i wouldnt commit myself to that reading

i wanna study international relations and see how and why its different from US federalism vs rojava style federalism

yo just reflecting on communist manifesto and ethics of care. one objection to EoC is that it just reinforces and valorizes oppressed values rather than subverting them. But i think a good counter example is how efforts to squeeze more profit out of the working class involved

lessening the distinctions between women and men so that women could do similar labor. then in the CM marx talks about how communism isnt about further ownership and oppression of women but that they should be free. In a way i read this as similar to ethics of care perspective,

mom pushing me to do exercise n stuff is very funny (i want to do more exercise its just funny how unaware she is of weight/ana considerations, which is part of my problematic motivation :P)

approval but at least then ill feel more confident in myself like that my perspective has more validity. bc rn the experiences ive had have been either writing me off a bit(but i dont entirely blame her) or just accepting its logical validity but still confused and perplexed and

def not going to perform that with me. not that my parents would do that either ugh. kinda frustrating. only other person i could would be muz but idk, we dont really spend that much time 1on1 and i might feel uncomfy in front of chud zoomer friends

and i know i know im posting assimilationist cringe but i have very little confidence rn and its very uncomfy territory for me. idk

im becoming more and more pleased with my hair :) feel v pretty

also coming back to in person classes n organizing n stuff i feel weird being gendered as male (man, guy, dude, boys) and i dont think its like i want to exclude masc pronouns or referents, but rather theres this frustration that that is assumed and i never get to experience

more gender neutral or femme compliments/referents. but ofc thats a really odd thing to ask for, and im personally uncomfy rn publicly being like any/all even, so i just leave blank. idk weird vibes, might feel better about it if i talk to parents not bc i need or want their

God I love these two, always have great takes. These threads really good, and ofc personally applicable.

I mean like in the sense that I abdolutley engaged in thread 1 esp when a bit younger, and thread 2 was important for me to deal with that behavior. I don’t think I’ve adequately apologized to gail for T1 behavior still bc it took a bit to come to terms with.

Destiny is the one who initially got me to think about this, which like isn’t perfect obv but undeniably good stepping stone of exposure

allowed me to gain enough confidence to have opinions on things, because ultimately there arent as many *facts* as I thought, not everything i was taught was objective. which is ironic bc it also made me entirely unconfident in my ability to gain knowledge myself, and that i

could be totally misinformed/misleading myself/biasing myself on things.

I think my high school psych class was a massive turning point/ start for my political and philosophical perspectives. Very much informs my epistemic humility and first thing i experienced that was like "oh professional ppl in these fields thought this wacky stuff not long ago"