Lain is not about “a digital identity that *seems* more real” or about “*feeling* that your identity is [anything, much less constructed with intention by an outside agent]”. It’s an ontological analysis of identity as such. You missed the point.

Paranoid or sad is mostly irrelevant, though paranoid is slightly more apt. Again though, the art itself has a status of <feeling>, it’s not about <feeling>-inducement in the audience.

Also clearly it’s fine to interpret aesthetic experiences however you wish, but the more straightforward interpretations of lain are pretty uninspired and drab

onto my 5th YT playlist for music on my backlog, suuurely someday i'll get around to all 20k

my poor lil Surface processor always melts w video playback,, prolly doesn't help that i'm always 3x+

lol why did I think this was a good idea we have nothing in common

*i* think i'm so playful and funny, but i have to keep reminding myself to everyone else i come across as a dry asshole

i love fansubs

Why am I vpning in to do work at 8pm on a Thursday

the answer is I really enjoy working w software and learning stuff even if under somewhat compromised circumstances

wish mint had better touchpad gestures

Yoo I should rewatch bakugan anime

i’m kinda surprised the torrents aren’t really maintained at all, i feel like i would expect more diehard fans,, tho ig it was all marketed towards stupid kids with too much money so it makes sense they wouldn’t convert

The answer is simple - it is incumbent on me to donate my bandwidth to the cause of loser white boys from the burbs re-living their childhood

hooooooly fucking shit I’m so hype omgomg this intro oh my god yes It’s so bad I love it aaaaa the memories

what going on w the mom tho o_O

Also I genuinely have no idea if I watched these in order as a kid, it was still DVR dayz. I would defi tune in every week at some point, but I don’t remember when I picked up consistently

Shun is so hot why is everyone so faggy Denma got the crop top big head ass swag

still not accustomed to dollposting meta here

bass players 🤤

Rain

But it's hard when I don't know what to do I'm angry and I'm tired and confused I've got so many thoughts stuck in my head And none of them make much sense And your tears went down your face into my eyes I'm sorry and I hate myself this time

customer has tgirl swag inflection, love her

gah the cringe it hurts

2020 -> 2023 lol

wish I could get back into reading, but I don’t even have the energy to leave my bed after getting home from work nowadays

kinda wild that class reductionism nonsense can still be so popular in so many circles. Ig single axis of analysis makes everything nice and tidy, also makes you a moron

give it a few more days I’ll be back to being more rested

Jordan seems really cool and I love when he joins Oli in screaming, and compositionally he seems very competent… but I really dislike the direction BMTH has gone with him and I miss the vibe w Jona so much. Obv its a lil unclear how much can be attributed to Jordan, since their sound was always

moving around all the time, but I think there was a definite shift after his inclusion + it’s clear that the tracks he has more impact in are less compelling. I know it’s played out to complain about sound shift, and I won’t discount everything that came after by any means, but it would have

been interesting how they would have developed otherwise.

And also calling out Jona might seem super odd since he was only around for a very short period but I was super fascinated with the sound they made with him and it’s a massive disappointment we didn’t get the chance to hear at least a full album together.

I think they could have revitalized a lot of the older tracks in live shows n stuff and that would be really cool. And again it’s not so much about them going “soft” or whatever - I can appreciate parts of it - but broadly I think it’s an uninteresting and unfortunate direction.

But hey, honestly at least they’re not like other emo kid bands around the time that have since stagnated and died harrrrd. Gotta respect the drive and passion and creativity, even if I wish they would be more willing to lean a more heavy direction more often

too many damn light switches in my apt

lol whyd i say “Ollie”, ig autocorrect

Oops I scuffed grammar - not fixing tho I was out of characters. Also pretty sure I posted abt this before it’s just bothering me again

My linguistic and conceptual repertoire is painfully limited. All felt and thought by humans > things codified into language > words reasonably available to contemporary me (not lost to time/location/region locked) > exclusive English fluency > words I’ve been exposed to > vocabulary I maintain

It’s actually pretty frustrating, humiliating, anxiety inducing

Side note: driving me insane I can’t find the source of that quote that goes something like “The most essential aspects of one’s identity are not the things that persist through time, but rather the things that one keeps returning back to”

I have my nitpicks but overall it’s clearly resonant and lodged in my brain

That’s enough reasons for now, I’m running out of steam a bit. To loop back around to *quickly: it’s kindaaa not quite right, because I take a while to get comfy and familiar before diving in and getting completely taken away all of the sudden. Like a calm river snapping into turbulent choppy rapids

But yeah despite all the negatives it feels really stupid to want anything else. I could attempt to cultivate different desires, but why? I like not being tied down right now, and I don’t mind not having a ton of friends (I kinda prefer it). I enjoy losing myself in my passions and leaning into it.

I’d prefer not to make people around me uncomfortable if I can help it, and that’s maybe something to improve on and workshop, but I think communicating clearly and early and often can help mitigate some things. Idk, still learning. But don’t feel like intentionally attempting to change myself atm.

It’s interesting though - while more and better communication can help with many of the above, with 3 it’s basically the opposite prescription. Like sure an overall heads up is good, but I have a tendency to constantly self reflect and if I’m telling you about it all the time when I’m obsessed and

you’re not into it, that’s just even more creepy and obnoxious. Idk it’s hard to make patterns given my small sample size so maybe some things are unique to specific past relationships and the issue won’t arise in the same way again. All this to say I haven’t figured it out yet. Sorry future fps uwu