Hmmm it is possible I have been misusing femme, and should instead be using fem

But great willingness to speak are in attendance. Curiously I think this carries over to online as well, although online has extra dynamic where you can’t have small side convos/whispers. I’m sure there’s been plenty of anthro research on this stuff lol. 1on1s I talked about

Earlier today, 2+ others if strangers I’ll usually let others talk to each other first and wait for invitation? Unless someone else shy too or it feels like I’ll have to say first thing. Sometimes I’ll jump in if I feel very confident or if they’re totally missing the point

(Usually in schooling context). Big groups mostly always silent unless prompted, exceptions are weird idk. Also these are all modified if I know 1 person and I’ll just cling lmao

Them (very rare person + dependent on my mood) then it’s one of fav configurations. 2 has some unique dynamics but is mostly similar to 3,4,5,6 in that often I can rely on others to carry if I’m not feeling and can jump in when feeling it. Smaller numbers most requires

More engagement, but if mutual engagement is there it’s more fulfilling and less pressure when speaking, but also less diversity of opinion. Usually though that’s a good thing, as long as it’s self curated people. Otherwise if you get stuck with someone without interesting

Things to say it’s brutal. I’m not exactly sure at what point it’s too many people, and probably there’s some variability, but I think it’s prob around when a facilitator is necessary/expedient. Too much pressure when speaking, enough people so that people with nothing to say

Also I’ve been thinking about how my social interaction comfortability varies on how many are there. Like one on one can be pretty weird for me, like there’s too much pressure on me to talk. But if I’m really engaging like philosophically w someone and I’m comfortable with

Feeling great physically after not overeating for a couple days. My hunger cues are all off prob eternally so previously I think I was eating an unhealthy amount until i was basically in pain and could really feel it, which is super shit lol. It’s just frustrating to have to

Keep an eye on things, because that lends me to unhealthy behavior as well.

I genuinely have over 150 tabs open of stuff I’m trying to read like fuuuck it’s so hard to get through, esp when one reading leads me to a bunch of others I’m passionate about. But I love following passion so I wouldn’t have it any other way, just wish I could be more organized

I wanna look into the political economy/philosophy of marginalism more deeply. Been taking another look at Marx and my head spinning a bit (in a good way)

also bonus meme. yesterday at YDSA we spent a ton of time talking about what to do about AOC voting present on iron dome isreal stuff (like 450-9 vote btw lmao) and about how they're weak for not "forcing the vote". cringing super hard

like i mean i dont have a super strong opinion on a theory of political party strategy and stuff esp considering im influenced by anarchist strategy, but it just all seems so foolish and performative and useless :/. strongly considering not going to general meetings,

i dont feel like i get anything out of them and if theres an organized event i want to attend itll be posted in discord probably. idk yet tho and theyre pretty far between so maybe ok

alternative. that being said, i havent fully grappled with the difference between individual commodities and private property like land, which the latter is clearly illegitimate. I've been thinking about production for exchange and the primitive accumulation of resources

for the commodities, as well as things like intellectual property that are also clearly illegitimate. So I'm fairly confident in my stance, but I would still like to read more about it specifically.

i had this convo with my parents like 2 days ago, where i absolutely bit the bullet. stealing is legitimate regardless of the size of the firm, stop appealing to shit like "they can handle the loss" very silly, as destiny rightfully calls out. the waffling around is really weird

ofc that doesnt speak to it as a strategy, there are plenty of things that are philosophically justifiable that are nonetheless nonadvisable. its really awkward to see opinions expressed like this, and unfortunatley it makes progressive dems look like there really is no

https://youtu.be/wO7fJpwTzTI this is a really good example of how progressive people / demsocs are really weird and misinformed. they dont really understand like the processes of capital, and therefore like gesture at "lefty opinions" but dont have a coherent philosophy to back it up

Also interesting bc my personality will interact with other cis women in different ways. For instance there’s another cis woman in my class that’s in my opinion much more philosophically capable than others, so I’m much more willing to be critical and actually engage with her

Opinions/takes to the extent that upon reflection I worry she might think I’m being too harsh lol rip. But with most other ppl (basically all genders) I’ll just assume basic bitch zzz agreeable personality affirming everything

Idk if I have overall solution or final thoughts just some frustrations I’m feeling. One last note is that Maya has gender expression that I’m like fuuuuck sometimes I wish I look way more like (small figure, short, nice brown hair, piercings, clothes) which complicates yknow

Much more comfortable role I can slip into given my socialization. But with cis women it’s sorta weird I feel for me. Like if I was more femme presenting I feel like I could get away with my less curated personality with compliments and such, but I worry about making ppl feel

Uncomfy. Like I’m not even really interested in pursuing a relationship (platonic or “romantic”) with Maya for instance, it just bothers me that I don’t feel able to express myself.

And ofc there is no “true” personality and it’s all created and mediated in variable social contexts but what I’m trying to say is that I intentionally alter how I present and it’s a way that I don’t love, but I don’t know how else

Like and I hate how the persons gender I’m talking to changes it. And ofc it’s partially on them too, like for instance I’m totally able to act like a bro when I’m around a guy acting that way, and while I hate it it’s also like fine whatever idc bc ig I’m used to

Lol fk there’s this girl named Maya in my class and she’s super cute and we got paired to talk and I was really nerv >.< I feel like social stuff is really hard bc my personality has developed into kinda flirty sounding default? Like I’ll constantly compliment friends and call

Out things I think are cute for ex. But that’s really hard to do right away with ppl bc I don’t wanna give wrong idea or uncomfy impression. So I kinda just construct personality I feel is more acceptable, but then I’m just… boring and not me at all

really wild how much not eating much for a day can really change, feel really good about body rn, ive sorta been maintaining for a bit but i think i want to drop just a touch, i know prob unhealthy but ill stay within good range (i know that ill say that now and might feel diff

after i begin). For now: CW 162, GW 155, UGW 150. I should be able to do by end of semester pretty easily. body weight flux super gross and not good but that just means ill have to keep it down, be better at maintain.

also idk if im gonna count, might just roughly do it

Also seeing this stuff has been really hard

I know it’s silly and ridiculous but tummy stuff really bothers me

Also first set of pics second tweet hot af

Wanted to talk to Bookchin person but got shy again rip

the worksheet itself. For instance people love taking political compass tests and even I participated and made my own web activity thing. I think people want to do stuff, even if its a more like standardized sheet, because the important part is your personal inputs

and not like theres any one correct answer. Anyway I'd love to get my hands on the rest of this. It's on audible so I'll try and finish my current book (which is annoying bleh) and trade for it before my current trial ends. Weird no pdf tho rip

Racists or Stamped. Very student centered, extremely epistemically humble, fantastic understanding of intersectionality. Like seriously, it just does a great job of explaining standard social justice positions in a way that doesn't come across as preachy or dogmatic, and

leaves open the possibility for mistakes and changes. It's not like proposing any radical new way of envisioning things, but instead is just super great at summarizing concisely our current understanding in social sciences about these things.

The addition I love is the examples of materials and activities, and the showcasing of student work and experiences. I do have some misgivings about "do this worksheet that I tell you to" but I think that has more to deal with the structure of the school and not so much

Liz Kleinrock's Start Here Start Now: A Guide to Antibias and Antiracist Work in Your School Community is probably the best work I've read on social justice pedagogy. I only have access to the intro and first chapter but already far far better than books like Racism without

oh my god im crying

I’m so fucking tired but I can’t fucking sleep. And I’m doing this thing where I ruminate over every social interaction ever and beat myself up over it and it sucks :( hurty

Stephen J Ball, The teacher’s soul and the terrors of performativity. seriously good piece. i could read it a bunch of times and i hope i will again soon. talks about how people and institutions change as a result of advanced liberal reforms. super interesting and basically

what i was talking through the other day with dad and job searching and how im worried that existing in work institutions will change me and my values, and also relates to the struggles mom has been going through in work

pretty neutral to negative about. so im not even sure if like envy of other's chest is like me actually wanting that, or just me wanting to able to have that warm feeling more often/all the time. where its like i can automatically see myself in the frame i want to

very odd sorta thing idk if ive exactly got the right understanding yet, but im kinda maybe getting there? who knows

if i end up transitioning im gonna be upset at myself for not doing it sooner lmao "i could have had soft skin all this time grrr"