i don't have theses anymore

i was glad not to be recording audios, im glad to go back to not doing so

i want to observe i dont want to contribute

:) i like new juliet

i’m so glad she recorded more

too many white bitches in my life

it’s my own damn fault but still

this was a joke referencing the story julie told about walking to the airbnb after her flight and it was tiring and sweaty and they still wasted no time fucking once they arrived

i’m anxious for this meeting with Important People and don’t know what to expect, but really i just want to reply to juliet

i’m not sure what i’d say but she matters

this outfit is absolutely serving cone tits

oh the share button changed, idk if i like that

also ringer

donnie for juliet

haven’t been eating well lately. not having a meta is really difficult

it obviously affects a lot too and idk, just an additional layer of misery

it’ll be ok, i’ll go grocery shopping tonight or something

i don’t have much event work and as a result spending the day with kasey bouncing to different conference rooms. it’s exhausting. i wanna be alone more and move around less

i so don’t wanna be here

bleh accidentally saw ugly tech things

gotta abandon my friends

the male loneliness crisis will be solved by transing them, not only tautologically but also because tgirls have way lower standards

the relationships will unfulfilling but let’s be real the cissoids weren’t doing better

i read flo’s vegan blog post today and it’s nothing new but it did make me very sad

if you have any moral commitments whatsoever and minimally value logical consistency, there isn’t really a way out. those aren’t the things that get me though, and are largely motivationally inert

there are a surprising amount of live performances of carnival on youtube and i have seen them all

i’m probably gonna wanna nap again today, im real tired. bleh

hm i think my clinical analysis of willow love is that she despises being pursued

danii was wrong, she doesn’t love falling in love, she loves the chase of convincing someone to love her

this isn’t exactly right but there is lots of evidence for it. the unfortunate case of anna, the elation of being told to slow down by annie, the disinterest that swallows relationships after having conquered their affection, my baffling persisting casual interest in hailey, ollie/julie qpr

the other perspective is like, usually someone being interested in me is bothersome. it’s not so much about domination as it is about not being intruded upon. evidence: cinny/chloe chill vibes, the benign annoyance of kasey demandingness, whatever low-stress things i’ve landed on now w ppl

that’s the push factor. the pull factor explanation of why i can get so giddy/affectionate is that 1) yea duh new sparkles fun exuberance 2) its annoying when people hold back for arbitrary reasons and i want to break that glass ceiling so we can hang out and figure out things for real.

after reaching that summit point together where everything is unlocked and nothing is off limits, that’s when it feels like the relationship can actually start. but this is problematic because 1) it’s manipulative 2) a decent amount of time/connection has probably taken place to get to that point

3) the evaluation can be pretty sharp and jarring for both parties when it finally drops. everything before then is like singlemindedly in pursuit of more more more while postponing proper reflection

matter of time by kevin devine is very good

i like when all the professors post their syllabi on twt and chat with their peers it’s cute

unfortunately all the selections are mid as hell and make me depressed at the state of things but whatever

so brief too, like there’s no real coverage of anything

i watched the whale and i liked the scenes that portrayed the disgust of eating but everything else was forgettable

kasey came into my apartment to wake me up for the executive address

i’m deathly exhausted i need more sleep badly, i did not get much last night

i don’t miss ollie

i’m not sure what i meant by this but i know it’s true, at least as a false speech-act

there’s something so disrespectful about the “idc whatever, i was expecting it” mindset

like all the consideration was about ayu, juliet wasn’t even a factor at all tonight for anything

idrk, i’m disappointed yet again.

the juxtaposition of my calls with julie and the disinterest of my messages with hailey