the trick is to be less enthusiastic

lain taking off her bra after a long day at work: full range, full motion

waaaaa

there's a basic attitude discrepancy between wokeoids who seek to elevate trans ppls gender and people who devalue cis ppls gender

the agreement on equality is interesting

i don't think either is necessarily committed to that, but as a relative effect

currently watching: autistic nazi incel talking about social event failures

he gets me

last thing: it's weird when cis people treat you like you're trans when you're just an hrt boy, especially when you're around a real trans person

my gender is in an awfully inconvenient spot rn where i prefer not to be he/him'd or deadnamed but treating me like a real trans person is asinine and you're way too woke if you try. i suppose i should just confidently say im she/her nonbinary willow and that'll be fine

condensing/summarizing/presenting information is my like my weakest life skill because it involves confidently lying

i don't mean to externalize the blame i hope im coming across clearly that this is my failure in ability to make myself interested and interesting

whatever i'm tired and going to bed

talking with cooper on his couch about aesthetic theory letting him nerd out >>>>> loud restaurant where elizabeth talks about weaving classes and lily talks about genshin impact

idk there is this really ugly air of consumerism and "let me tell you about all the things i bought or watched but not in a way that describes them with relation to its personal significance in my life, in a way that's akin to what a plot recap video essayist would produce if they observed my life"

and idk i'm demanding too much because obviously i'm not doing the same but the vibes are just rancid so what do u expect

experiences like tonight are the reason i think the latter is true, like i just don't wanna talk about anything in my life and it gives the appearance of emptiness, it really does make things awkward

i don't want to talk about my hobbies or work or relationships and it's not like i would have any common touch points anyway. and that can work if you're really confident and passionate and a good storyteller but i am not and don't really aspire to be

autocorrect boo downvote

idk it was public and loud and uncomfortable and i behaved strangely

i know im the problem is that they're all pleasant enough and in the odd one out by my own poor preferences and performance

i have another chance tomorrow to try again and maybe ill think of a better way to behave

like theoretically cute tgirl talking about northernlion playing uma masume should be right up my alley but there’s just something lifeless about it all

i don’t wanna drive anyone else i just wanna go home

yay i don’t have to

idk i recognize im definitely the boring one that doesn’t talk about anything but all of their topics really aren’t my thing

eh i don’t think these people are interesting but im doing another thing tmrw

i’d be happier at home probably

ngl i feel kinda ugly

i'm looking forward to going out tonight because i can tell i'm in that mood where i really really want to be social and compensate by writing things to myself and its unsatisfying and frankly a little humilating

theres something akin to identification with the agressor in that i recognize its failure and futility but retain this desperate adhesion to it

at least i can be grateful its to myself and that i dont have a following, that made it so much worse

accidentally looped my e8 run through the bazaar kill me 😭

this is what i look like rn

this shit has lived rent free in my head for three years lol

come one come all, watch this guy re-enact oscillations of truth and self-certainty

hm i dislike how i made this an issue of epistemology. in some ways its a statement of contextual emotivism (sometimes your ideas are actually feelings) and an instruction to pay attention to those emotions and take them seriously on their own terms rather than bringing your own arbitrary material

i don't think its easier to know or to articulate emotions

what i meant to be saying was that in the case of an emotional cause of a position, you're not going to get anywhere closer to understanding what's going on by investigating the position itself, and in that way if you begin at the right location it is easier to come to appropriate knowledge

again thats simplistic because it could be seen as treating the emotions with a certain level of unmediated givenness and yes, primacy, that i don't intend. the emotivism was a poor metaphor. the mistake is beginning to look at the causal chain for origins,

which is already disrespecting the inner objectivity of both the ideas and the emotions

"scatterbrained"? actually it's called parallelism and it's really important

aw this one is nice

you should talk more about your feelings and less about your ideas

not because feelings have metaphysically primacy over ideas, just from the practical matter that you are more likely to be misinformed about your ideas (that is, there is falsity in the ideas themselves and your understanding of the nature of what those ideas truly are)

there is a rush to attribute meaning to feelings, to graft something with more weight onto the appearance of superfluity rather than allowing the feelings to speak for themselves

also though, this isn't a glorification of emotion in-itself. articulation is its necessary task

i should have known it was over the moment i insulted doja cat