also i reread malatesta's Anarchy and its got some great passages lol

feeling really content and satisfied with life rn :)

Soooo tired and cold feeling super cuddly

But yeah as a final thing just laying out the unique parameters that allow for this specific type of joy: Previous relationship with emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy ending on positive terms and was initiated by the other person. Also the person in my position needs

To have the right type of disposition to be able to be ready to enjoy those type of feelings.

Also this is totally off topic but I’ve been having tons of moments recently where I’m just beaming like super super happy like an almost unmanageable amount of joy. I’ll mouth lyrics to a song while walking home, read manga with some relaxing music, today was a bit of a special

Case lol but that too, looking at my appearance in the mirror, usually it does involve music which is interesting. But yeah that’s been super cool and nice. I think I’ve been allowing myself to feel joy a lot more lately and that’s also why this stuff feels relevant to me rn

I know this is a super minor thing and these are like super fleeting moments that happen rarely so it might feel odd to dwell so much but it just feels really exciting to be exposed to new ways of experiencing connections with others, which is weird bc this is kinda a lack of

Connection? But yk I’m interested in RA and the potentialities of interpersonal relationships.

I will continue to self reflect of course but I think it’s super freeing to understand that I have enough love to go around! And that arbitrarily limiting it is counter productive and sad. I can pursue new relationships and have nice feelings about past relationships as well

I think this case is pretty unique and there probably aren’t too many resources or others to relate to, but that’s also super fun too! I get to explore as I go without any preconceptions about how it’s supposed to look!

And 3) if it’s interfering with your ability to move on with your life, eg. “I can’t be happy with anyone but them”. Ofc it’s important to be self reflective and critical and make sure I’m not misleading myself, but I don’t think these really apply to my behavior and feelings

Which is actually pretty neat! There has been and probably will continue to be a bit of guilt and shame when positive feelings about Gail come up, but honestly I don’t see a reason why that should be the case. Which is actually super liberating!!! I don’t have to suppress my

Emotions and can enjoy the nice feelings without having to overthink it all :) very unique I think, like most people definitely wouldn’t consider that something that could possibly be a source of pleasure, but like! Why not! :)

Oh in class I wrote a bunch about “getting over” (2 full pages of back and forth with myself) the conclusion I came to was that it’s basically fine to have lingering affections for someone that used to be in your life, as long as it 1) doesn’t interfere with other people,

Like for ex. current relationships being unhealthily influenced and oriented around appealing to the standard of the past relationship, 2) doesn’t interfere with the ex-relationship person, like if they have a boundary and you violate it because of your affection,

But with both 1) and 2) it’s important to recognize the difference between someone setting a boundary for themself that they don’t want you to cross and an illegitimate imposition on your actions

This is absolutely true, but also crucially depends on the legitimacy of the state. I really like this argument because it makes commitments and assumptions very clear.

So maybe I should be ready to admit to myself that I’m not that over her? Lol

Then again I feel like that whole “over someone” is very serial monogamy logic and I’m not sure if that was something I have been or should be aiming for

I def need to think more when I get home

Ummm I just saw gail lol

Honestly pretty miraculous it hasn’t happened yet, still surprising tho. I don’t think she saw me, or at least acted like she didn’t

I look supa cute today anyway so idc 😎 she looked nice too

Was waiting to cross and I walked by

Heart got super fluttery and couldn’t stop grinning for a bit

im so tirrrreeddddd i woke up at 1am after like 3 hrs sleep and ive been brain blasting since then now im sleeepyyy but i have class boooo

kant is a fucking banger dude how have i not looked into this before chasing the dragon of philosophy stimulation and kant is my dealer

i hate hume so much and kant is just beating his ass in the qrts

holy shit this is really interesting actually i dont know what to make of this yet https://www.reddit.com/r/askphilosophy/comments/gjtvb0/is_virtuous_circularity_taken_seriously_in/

this is @ "rethinking economic returns" especially. like "we need a new accounting system to include all different types of work and need to get rid of the barrier between private and public returns" and its like ya thats great i agree but how do you expect that to manifest

in reality... like descriptively, firms are self interested in valorizing capital so ,.... whats your model for bringing this about and keeping it?

like the whole "society with markets, not a market society" is such liberal cope bullshit lmfao

T-T this chapter went downhill so fast bruh

oh also i should be clear ofc ofc they arent critical enough of coercive education, even tho they do have better takes than most (quote from sam carr's research)

even tho they quote from ppl like freire ultimately theyre clearly much more influenced by left libs like keynes or dewey

dont get me wrong theres much better stuff to learn from them than 90% of other things, but it can be very confusing and almost utopian imo to think that those reforms can be made and stay in place while keeping the economic base

???? literally ???? @ you ???? wtf

like clearly theyre partially aware, i just think its way way way too optimistic to think that people will go to bat for your new human capital model enough to combat the propaganda and hegemony of capitalists and the state but keep shootin shooter

alright but yeah fr tho very very good values throughout, not perfect but im only getting so upset bc i feel like theyre so close to me but minor differences yk? but fr very good book

like i havent been highlighting at all bc im tired but there are absolutely some bangers in here

like i feel like theres really strong principles and perspectives, but a bit too much optimism about the capitalist state being able to adopt and maintain this vision

maybe useful for people agitating and pressuring, and definitely helpful to get people to see better possibilities, i just worry about its realistic limitations for implementation

again tho this is kinda inherent to a work like this, so im not saying they should have done this differently, just like thinking about future ideas building off

like im always skeptical of ideas that are like "we need to do better at incorporating x into this system" and its like yea ok but youre not proposing a material method for how that can continually be brought about, so instead it will just be eroded for purposes of profit/power

finally got a pdf of The Death of Human Capital and it is really good :)

specifically chapter 10 rethinking labor supply

obv a bit workerist, statist and market oriented, but really great short term ideas, and way to bridge between contemporary neolib econ and more leftist perspectives

oh and i should add more context: this was 2nd meeting ever, this is their first semester club. also an example of what the guy said came to mind about why i hated his takes lol