with that whoops]) and a bit too much hostility towards people that are figuring out how to survive in a gendered society and a bit too much charity to those criticizing them despite the public ramifications

ok this is really interesting convo, i think i actually ultimately disagree but very interesting to entertain ideas, i think ill download the vod and upload https://clips.twitch.tv/BitterRudeJalapenoSeemsGood-aVL7xlbDxOHrm7S4

Also lightheaded arc of eating :/ zzz

Did you know you can get acne from washing your face too much? That’s fucked

Collection of things from Twitter this morn

“Moral ambiguity creates problems for liberalism because it is fundamentally based around rights with moral surety”

And think that things get lost when categorical rules are made. HOW INTERESTING!!!! I should really read more contemporary virtue ethics I wonder if there’s a good feminist tradition for it, seriously interesting and ofc I don’t know if I’m convinced but sososososo interesting

Also I should mention she cited empirical research on how hypotheticals can actually fuck your mind up and I think that’s a really good point!! I’d love to look more into god so cool

Also I think there’s a strong compatibility with this view on hypotheticals and the anarchist critique of participating in the state and other organizations, that by merely participating you are changing yourself and that it’s harmful

“You’re creating a binary that doesn’t exist in the real world, when in fact the problem is that this choice exists at all! That’s the moral wrong. There is a third option of systemic change and that’s what should be pursued”

Aristotle, Anscombe, Annas, Foot, Hurtsthouse

Yo holy shit I need to watch more TheSillySerious/BlondePhilosophy she’s so interesting. Unfortunately she’s only really on twitch but it’s worth it. Really good and interesting takes on consent and sex, but what I’m watching rn is her talking about her virtue ethics and

ITS FASCINATING like oh my god how interesting! She’s being pinned down by utilitarian bro but rejecting the use of hypotheticals (highly qualified and complicated perspective but broadly) and her justifications are that she works with particulars and not universals

absolute queerplatonic banger https://youtu.be/27yq-rjESx4

American libertarians have such a bazaar mish mash of contradictory beliefs wtf

1/4 based, 1/2 horrible, 1/4 Jesse what the fuck are you talking about

I haven’t really thought or written much about her for a bit, though I do have some feelings. A bit nervous and apprehensive about January, I don’t know what that will be like. No idea what I really want, as I feel fine without her but also she’s super cool so idk, “friends” nice

Obv will have to be mediated between us, but might be helpful if I have an idea going in. Honestly tho I feel really flexible, like I could never talk to her again or be “platonic” or have a sexual or “romantic” relationship either way

Knowing her tho i predict either a) agree to be friendly, never talk b) agree to be friendly, talk Option a would be weird I think lol but ultimately whatever works.

I guess I don’t have much else to say. Will be interesting to see how she thinks I’ve changed and vice versa

Reminds me of recent convo talk brought up by parents about grandparents giving their house to Angel and how that wasn’t “fair” and I’m just like lol idc she needs it more and everyone was pretty surprised. Idk ig my brain is very poisoned with distributional qs like that

Like if the government were to 100% estate tax my shit and redistribute it lol based, so I guess doing that personally just makes sense to me as well

Ok well fine even if I’m resulting at similar conclusion to before I feel I understand things lots better, and I do think it’s significant shift from post-breakup which I think was a lot more emotionally influenced and like wanting to be seen positively by her in a weird hero way

My perspective as long as I could remember was “I’m dead idc” and then moved to that loose format and now I don’t know lol. Like reflecting that plan was so bad esp now what I understand about the tyranny of structurelessness, but my intent was probably just sorta distribution

According to need, and thought that the prioritization would guard that, but if I was gonna do that I needed to be more specific to prevent the power dynamics at play.

Like even thinking about it now I might actually go back on latest opinion, fuck it gail can have shit lmao isaiah and my parents are fine and it would be more useful.

I guess I interpreted that as like I’ve moved on enough to where that was no longer something I was considering. But now that I’m actually writing this I think it might have more to do with my dispositional shifts towards commodities and relationships lol

Actually really interesting, I don’t know what to write now lol

And ig my thought process was like well my stuff would be of most use to her (computer, money, etc) and was also somewhat I tierlist of how important the relationships were to me (which is interesting to think about from RA POV, haven’t thought about yet hm)

And that perspective stayed even after we broke up, and thoughts about it even popped up more often. I guess it was a way of basically telling myself she was still the most important person in my life, even though she wasn’t in my life anymore. And also kind of this martyr thing

Like oh he’s dead but was so kind which is very funny lmao how weird. But anyway the revelation I had a bit ago was like oh I actually haven’t thought about this idea for a while, and no longer have the impulse to include her, and I thought that that was significant

Oh and that reminds me I never talked about that thing with my will I mentioned a bit ago. Basically while Gail and I were dating my perspective on my will was like ok gail can take whatever she wants, then isaiah, then parents

(Side note: weird to think about will in general, like passing on commodities, esp when I don’t have much sentimental stuff, which ig why so loose and disorganized)

Wtf was that night lmao. Hmmm in that way it was prob like super super performative like hey I’m really bothered by this and said snd heres an action to prove it

Anyway I think I’m bored talking about this, not really much else to say zz bye

It’s very funny looking back and ofc makes no sense but that’s kinda the whole thing so idk. Even then tho I feel like… hm idk. Sorta just very quickly moved on from that it was kinda zz not important. Never really did much reflection on it. I remember my story being something

Like just wanting to stop feeling, not wanting to die, but idk if that was just the lie I told doctors and parents lol. Weird part was coming to parents I’m very confused why I did that. Wait did I text gail and she tell parents? Hmm

I think that makes more sense, like I was def the type to pull something like that then just ride it out, but also was super open with Gail. Wait were we fighting too? I seem to remember that too now lol

I suppose one part of me feels like you could just say that, but I suppose that’s also a part of the challenge. And it doesn’t feel as “real”. Part of it is performing like hey this is serious, not just the blues

And ofc breaking it down like this is kinda super missing the point, esp when I’ve done reckless things related to this that are pretty nonsensical. Remember when I took like 15 Prozac (or maybe some other med?) and went to the ER? Lmao why

Intended for that person. Blaming/guilting/begging for forgiveness stuff like that just feels pointless idk. I could maybe imagine like “don’t blame yourself” but idk while true they prob would feel that way regardless, and my post won’t change their mind

Also if I’m making one of these, why not post on a timer? So like after it’s done? But then again I’m kinda missing the whole point of these right. Like it can be important to be like hey I need attention on this, I’m in pain and suffering and I need help.

Social in any way. Ofc that’s a bit reductive, but my impulses have always been very individual. That being said tho I haven’t really had social interactions leading me to feel this way and have always been supported by pretty much everyone in my life

Like making one of those has never crossed my mind when thinking like that. If I did make one it would be very personal and I’d maybe keep it somewhere that could be found later but never like sent to anyone or made public.

I’m struggling to imagine what I would even put in it. Justification? I wouldn’t feel the need to explain or justify myself. A message to someone? Why? I could imagine in a document for myself writing like a POV to another to help me process, but not like a message actually

But also interesting how other parts were very disorganized, misspelled, or extra punctuation that seemed unintentional. Given the aesthetic frame it was put in, this sort of contributed to that. Like it was desperate and painful and that added to its beauty

And idk that form of expression is just so alien to me, it was kind of fascinating to see pain presented in that way.

I don’t know how to put what I want to say. Ig I’ve always felt a bit odd about suicide manifestos, like not really sure what do. If it’s self reflection and for you I totally get that but then why post/share? Ig suicide has always felt like a very individual choice, and not very

Saw someone’s suicide manifesto on the TL, have some thoughts I wanna unpack. (Yeah maybe a little weird to make someone else’s experience about *me*, but idc not like anyone will really see this)

First I guess I’m stricken by how different it is from my experience. This person was (and is I guess, sorry they’re still around) very artistically minded, and it came out in their writing and style, down to the formatting of document and word choice