Oscar Pollock is so fucking hot omg

i feel like i only like AMAB ppl that are at least somewhat queer. idk what to make of that, cishet guys just boring ig

(Btw example of state having some positive effect: keeping serial rapist out of community. We can do lots to alleviate material conditions preventatively, but things like that will still occur. There can be solutions to this without being as cruel as prison, and it would be more

Effective at rehabilitation and restoration. However, it cannot be denied that the state can handle this niche case by at minimum preventing further cases. Don’t pretend like “it just won’t happen lol” or “self defense lol” - deal with the challenge)

Are alternatives, sometimes people just categorically rule out that the state can have any positive impact. This isn’t to say that a state is necessary, but pretending doesn’t do any good. You’ll give lackluster responses to important questions and that everything will just work

Out. I can agree that morally speaking anarchism has incredibly strong foundations, it’s just a matter of working (wink) to discover the best approaches to achieve those ends. Ultimately in some cases the practical reality may preclude the idealism, but there must be a constant

Effort to strive towards liberation.

It’s incredibly easy to be an anarchist if you just imagine the state’s coercive power never has or had any benefit, and was exclusively and intentionally maliciously created to hold power over others. While there may be a great deal of truth to that explanation, and that there

1 paper submitted, next one will be super easy. I hope grading goes ok, way over the word count and the format is all fucky, gah

I wanted to tweet last night about how fast an Advil I took worked but I was too tired lol

Somehow I’ve become sick :/ Family gathering this weekend or the 2 runs I went on somehow got me here. Feel like shit

holy fuck my anxiety is like out of control holy shit

"fuck fuck fuck fuck" "im sorry fuck im sorry" "oh god shit fuck" just cant stop lol its fucking awful

I feel really fucking overwhelmed right now - hard to focus on any one thing

hate my body :/

And I know it’s bullshit but it’s still hard

really frustrating problem of recreating uncomfortable social situations and then verbally expressing something. had this for a long long time just kinda really frustrating. and beating myself up for it after it happens just makes it worse im sure but :/

I think it’s really hard for me to imagine a future for myself without a lot of restraints. I really just want minimal constraints on myself, the “natural” constraints of things like having to eat and being stuck in this physical body are enough already

Work, exclusionary relationships, even clubs and stuff. Idk just that commitment ruins the spontaneous free association I want to be able to have. Coercive structures just ruin so much.

I feel like I have so much to say about this but nothings really coming out rn ig. I’m struggling for now

I jog like 100 yards every few days and now my metabolism is like 📈

I feel so restless, I can’t sleep and I don’t feel relaxed after work

boysmell uwu

I feel rly tired, classes are a lot rn :/

genshin boys hnnnggg

happier when i dont look in the mirror lol

problematic avoidance? yea sure feels enjoyable in the moment? yea sure :)

i really like my voice today 🥰

idk why just feelin it

i just felt heartache for the first time since gail and I broke up bc i was listening to "it never stops" by bad books

made me smile tho, felt nice in some way

oh also i wanted to mention this the other day but when I went out with brother and dad for birthday i saw this super cute guy omg lol i was blush so hard >///< for some reason its more exciting and intense, prob because I haven't been able to express it before now

I need to do more research on permaculture, rewilding, and light/heavy industry. They seem to be some of the areas where anarchism has its most powerful arguments against liberal/socdem solutions

Interact with people w/o being in monogamous partnership and just in general social since I feel like I’ve changed a lot of my perspectives (lol watch me just have worse anxiety). Maybe we’ll be spread across campus, but I imagine we’ll see each other somewhere which will be

Interesting. Wonder if we’ll make it to January or just run into each other and break the rules. If I call it I call it.

Ok fr done now, this was either super deep or I’m coping and can’t get over things or something else, either way was good to think

myself” (lol ew). And obv there’s no RA doctrine I must follow perfectly, I don’t have to perform anything to prove to myself, that would be self defeating. Just saying it’s tricky to navigate.

All this thinking about future stuff is just weird. Like it’s very dependent on what she wants and that’s hard to work around. And it’s totally possible/probable my mom has just baited to me think like this lol.

Wish I had a conclusion but I don’t lol rip. Play it by ear, plenty of time, just gonna go with flow for now. Not actively seeking a “romantic” relationship rn but won’t hide away from flirting if I feel like. Going back in person will be odd, but interesting experience to

One option is just keep doing whatever feels right with relationship(s) (lmao) and by January we catch up and see, basically just act like RA. Justification being it’s what I believe and compromising that for someone, even if they’re really important to me, would be antithetical

Problem is I don’t think I’ll have many or any relationships that would be considered romantic by others by then, not like intentionally just like I don’t really do much like that lol. So I could easily just kid myself into thinking I’m acting RA when I’m really just “saving

Like cool person -> want relationship of some kind + no distinction between platonic/romantic makes hard. Feels like hope for relationship is hard cope tho, and like it’s hard to fully get over w/o closure, but that kind of closure has to come from her bc I won’t cut off

Messy bc if we were both RAs it would just be having another relationship, but instead it excludes other ppl :/ I know unfair to her and lots of work and doesn’t look good like I’m being cringe horny guy misogynist but that’s not how I think :/ full thread btw might start another

She gets: no $, confused motivation (motivation is bourgeoisie work is prison etc etc) grumpy do nothing rat baby (so sorry for the speciesism), but cool person 😎. Idk just doesn’t seem super worth. And obv methodology of cost benefit is absurd in this context, but still she’s

Gotta look out for herself yknow? Anyway all this is to say idk what I want but I’d be interested in talking with her. I really do want her to be happy and don’t want to hold her back in any way. Ig not much different than when we broke up lol. Maybe indicates not enough growth

But idk. Don’t wanna be unhealthy attached forever, but obv super cool person I won’t ever forget. Ig hard bc I got dumped and was fine enough with how things were. Before this I felt pretty at peace with not being together but idk

Peace corps (still don’t know what that is ngl but pretty sure it’s like a year abroad doing real shit). And then there’s stuff like just dispositional differences - I’m comfy (and prefer) living like a raccoon, I am kinda anti materialist which causes problems, introverty

This sounds like I’m trying to be virtuous or whatever but that’s not what I’m saying. Like we just have sorta big gaps like that, and while different people can for sure be chill together idk if that’s what she wants. I don’t say that to put the blame on her or anything,

Just think about the cost/benefit (neolib brain strikes again) I get partner with $$ security and ambition, and cost is vacation, getting her commodities, expectation of doing things TM, solo partner (Relationship anarchy arc pls 🙏)

Like obv being valued is cool, and having a relationship with gail (in any form incl platonic) would be nice, but would I want more? I hate having to think like this bc I dislike the platonic romantic binary and just find it confusing