half of me wishes there was an edit button on this site, and the other half of me is grateful there isn't because i would spend hours lingering on posts editing them to get precise wording (which is never precise enough)

it doesn't really matter tho because i've just been deleting and reposting with minor changes or replying with addendums anyway lol

i need a better word for anthropologically cute

i have yet to encounter someone that has this same emotional/evaluational type as me though, and it's difficult (for me) to describe, even verbosely

When my officemate isn’t traveling, I just book 5 different conference rooms throughout the day and bounce between them. It’s a really bad solution but idk what else to do

Percussion autists are the most maligned and oppressed group

To clarify, polyrhythmic and arhythmic tippy tappy are cool too (often cooler) :3

uwu

the weather is so gloomy and dismal today :3

It fixed itself 🤕

Lol I hate sharing space with other people, I have a bunch of tics and habits that make others uncomfy or annoyed. You don’t want me around, I don’t want to be around you, pls stop making me be here

Fuck I was so horny I mixed first and second person usage in my skeet, now my 9 blollowers will think I’m an idiot

Stop sexualizing the cute twink coworkers that are smarter than you and have pretty hair and nice eyes and strong arms that could pin me down and strong voices that make my knees weak challenge

If you add “haha” to a Teams message to me, my jaw is going to hurt and my knees are going to be bruised tomorrow 🥺

i miss old grav radius, idc if it was op

One subset of persistent things I picked up from my 4.5y gf (before she dumped me) was a bunch of good hygiene habits, which makes me wonder how I landed her in the first place lol. ig low expectations for high school boys, but yeesh

Today is the first day I’ve left work after 5pm since starting 4 months ago - let’s hope this doesn’t become a habit For legal reasons this post is fanfic I’m writing from the pov of a greedy prole taking advantage of her poor multi-billion dollar employing company’s good graces (very sad)

Also gameplay feels less reliant on explicit design choices (reworked villager trading round 462) and more oriented around emergent properties of the base mechanics

Lol well okay cool ig

The image flagged for nudity and sexuality in question:

it always puts me in a shit mood - pragmatically its annoying, culturally its disappointing, technologically its myopic, philosophically its incoherent, and politically its depressing. personally, frankly, its frightening. a staggering amount of my personal history there, and no discretionary power.

youtube moderation is hitlerite when it comes to external links im gonna kms

I can’t believe I have work tomorrow That statement is partially a figure of speech but also partially genuinely reflective of the pattern my brain gets into when isolated and degen-ing for a weekend. Reminds it of no homework holiday breaks.

I’d love to say I’m longing for the glory days of _____, but in reality the circumstances all sucked in their own ways, and the person navigating them sucked even more. I really just want my current circumstances minus the obligations (which just so happen to be financing my current circumstances).

Call me lazy if you want, but in my defense: 1) being “productive” is disreputable if sufficiently infused with capitalist ideology 2) I enjoy the hard fun of learning/developing/contributing - I just don’t appreciate doing it at the behest of an apparatus of control with a looming threat over me

i'm not sure if i should be more surprised about the relative share of development attention that strongholds received a dozen years ago or the fact that they haven't been significantly touched since then.

minus a few QoL improvements, 1.0.0 is superior in basically every way to modern minecraft. the atmosphere, the cave generation, the pace of progression. rather than being a checklist to end game and a dash between structures, the shortcut-less empty world is a true sandbox.

it's very possible i'm just boomer-posting and i wouldn't have such a glowing review if i wasn't revisiting an important era of my childhood, but these aren't exactly unique observations either. the game is incredibly more rudimentary, and yet has unbelievably more depth. performs nice too lol.

the scarce food options make you actually focus on it instead of picking up a few village hay bales or shipwreck cod. the danger feels more significant because you're undergeared. my most delusional take is that double w sprint is best because it's unwieldy enough to make encounters non-trivial,

but still keeps sprint in the game so its not as inconvenient. lack of travel in general is important - you're limited and will likely stick close to spawn, slowly exploring the world and appreciating its uniqueness. biomes aren't just the space in between loot chests, the environment is the point.

it's the era of top 10 seed videos instead of over-saturated and repetitive 100 days challenges. sure, part of that is just youtube alg changing. but part of that is the way people engage with the game, and the way the game lends itself to being engaged with.

russian is such a goofy language /pos

I like my relationships how I like my politics: all theory, no practice

Given how infrequently I voluntarily interact with others, I spend an inordinate amount of time contemplating their significance

I only use shampoo like once a month and my hair is still really dry. Directly applying something like argon oil is too greasy tho. Maybe I need to take shorter/colder showers?

Guy who struggles to make it through a single anime cour over the course of multiple weeks but then rewatches 3 seasons of House in an afternoon (me)

my rejection of legibly cognizable relationships can be a crutch that enables cowardice and passivity. despite my ability to be straightforward in other areas, asserting myself and thereby risking imposition and non-reciprocation makes me fearful and meek.

i'm fine being vulnerable, its just that there is so much amatonormative baggage that comes along with a confession of anything resembling romance, and it feels like such a massive leap that irrevocably causes a rift in the relationship, regardless of how the message is received

as a result it feels safer to express my deep feelings of care while obfuscating the exact nature of the feelings. while the above is all true, it's also a bit copium. i meant when i said that i am cowardly; though I suppose a nicer way to put it is unpracticed, unsure, inexperienced, or insecure.

if i'm going to externalize the locus of control once more, i feel i lack the vocabulary to communicate how i feel about others. undoubtedly this is due to personal failings of mine: lack of imagination, weak lexical ability, ignorant of discursive techniques, etc.

but i also feel i lack the appropriate culture to cultivate such skills. maybe if i was better as seeking them out, or more sociable, i could come enrich myself. but even so, its extremely unlikely anyone i come into contact with would be amenable to my basic tenets.

but thats jumping the gun a fair bit, and it would be disingenuous to attribute that as the primary issue. the most apparent problems are clearly my social ineptitude, extensive criteria for interest, instability and unreliability, and frankly my rather boring personality and interests.

i've gotten rather off-track, but to return to the main impetus: it would be advisable for me to not allow myself to indulge in ambiguity to avoid expressing certain emotions, even if they are ultimately indeterminate and my communication is less than perfect.

there is no such thing as determinacy in this domain. expressing oneself is a good action to remind oneself of this fact and loosens the anxiety of perfection. more practice communicating one's messy emotions improves one's ability to do so, even if the whole endeavor is flawed at the outset.

of course there are risks with this as well, and i am apprehensive about too quickly articulating the knot of emotions within me for risk of unduly funneling their development - but it's not as if the alternative actions are neutral either. inaction is action.

i'm not even sure why i'm thinking about this right now lol. this is mostly coming from reflecting about my past, not any contemporary inciting incident.

i should add that the above analysis is overly fatalistic, and that in my experience people have actually been far more open, interested and amenable to alternative amorous approaches than i would expect. chock it up to selection bias or my irresistible charm, but there's no need to be so reluctant.

‘Sideloading’ apps has been the greatest improvement to the usage of my Apple products, but how painful they make it is wild. Hopefully I’ll switch to android next chance I get, but I don’t anticipate that being for a while. Refreshing my 2 allowed apps once a week until then lol.

pls dear god there is just no thesis statement either, its just a thousand quotes on a random assortment of topics to support a progressive (derogatory) worldview. and yeah absolutely politics and history, super relevant to ethics - but if you have no idea what you're talking about pls don't bother