pretty sure im repeating myself here, like multiple times

ive always been more comfortable as an endurance runner anyway

i like skramz more than midwest emo

it's honestly pretty cool that kasey isn't interested in some aspects of my life because then it means i am forced to work out how i want to confide in others

today is not gonna be fun

taking the liberal democratic + capitalist mode of production as given, i think pete buttegeig is basically my ideal candidate, besides maybe the military stuff

but like he's just so boring wonkish evidence-based socdem technocrat-pilled and the thing is, at least in terms of long-term economic efficiency (incl. intra- and inter- national externalities), that's basically as good as you can get

fuck dude im so tired

i think a lot of my problems last year were in part attributable to my inability to muster criticisms of wittgenstein

that sounds absurd on its face but like i did share this romantic view in the unadulterated everyday and the method of expression that dealt in inexplicit reminders of the everyday which more rigorous thought would ironically obscure

even when i didn't explicitly endorse it (and sometimes i did, to some components at least), it was an operating principle of mine. and i would react very coldly to critiques, but characteristically just by avoidantly turning away to other thoughts instead of rejecting the rejection

which is also where nietzsche comes in, and he largely played a similar destructive role on similar methodological points

pragmatism and linguistic philosophy and nonmoral ethicists are just not what i want or need right now. i won't run away from their influence but it's all so tiring and my engagement with it was self-destructive

the people on denpa-chan and the next generation of youtube posters leave me rather unimpressed and uninterested

my experiences with phoebe are unbelievably corporeal, i'm constantly shocked how strong my body reacts all over

it's not even a metaphor when i say that my skin feels electric or my eyes are full of brightness or my heart skips a beat, i react so strongly when im with her

and yet i'm not like completely swept off my feet or overly romantic about it all, i don't feel pressure and i don't feel exuberance

sometimes she'll just say something and i'll start leaking or my breath will be completely stolen or i'll squirm around in excitement

it's also great that all of this is interspersed with casual conversation, i have fun with her but i appreciate thats not all it is

honestly i think this is just the result of having a sexually interested relationship alongside enough comfortability and mutual respect to be able to talk openly with her. before others i was able to be more directly to her and while initially i think this was the result of some fed-up emotions and

a lack of care for what might come of the relationship, the resulting conversations actually made me respect her a lot more and get into her headspace. it's sweet and special and i like that no one has to get it but us

it was really hard when we had to be public and when we had to make ourselves understood to roommates and partners and we manage a lot better when it's just the two of us

sweet but not saccharine, playful but not dreamy, soft but not dull, quiet but not shameful, caring but not captivated

how it feels to go to bed as a librewolf user

can u believe they called me a catgirlboy on discord today i don't even meow

new carveth vid is interesting given my recent discussions on guilt

yknow what actually this is staying in my diary

truth is a very flat metaphor

willow's moderation maxim: better ten thousand teens commit suicide than one school shooter suffer a chat ban

at first i was all like, "mmm, whimsical necropolitics," as a joke. but bro.. i don't think it's a joke anymore

~/.config/discord/settings.json { "SKIP_HOST_UPDATE": true }

courtesy dreary dot dev circa 2023

jetstream2.us-east is sad right now

bro is like 40 minutes in the past

so funny that that was the issue

lesson learned: just be a normie

oh my god lmfaooooo jetstream2 us-east's cursor sucks

erm

post

sob

i think it's time for a new hobby

not "new", but "different"

im ready to be hurt again

kant was on some shit, even if just as regulative ideal. the constructs don't need to hold up to scrutiny if the gesture of "mere means" has enough rhetorical inspiration